After 18 months - H is finally filing.

[keep_going]

25 - Thanks for checking in. You have always sincerely cared about my sitch and have given me wonderful advice that I try to implement all the time. I will never be able to repay the serenity, sense of hope and inspiration that you have given me since the very beginning. THANK YOU.

Does he really not understand how that makes you feel? If you can ask him that question without ANYTHING but curiosity, I would.

My H has been clueless about my feelings for so long, that it doesn't affect me anymore. I used to think "really?" but I cannot think of anything he can do or say that will surprise me now - I know he is just not thinking about me at all - I am just not on his radar anymore.

since your children's welfare is THE priority, try your best not to care what he thinks.

YOU KNOW YOUR REASONS ARE VALID, so you will have to do the right thing b/c it's right, knowing he might not agree (or admit agreeing if he does.) It's much easier for him to see NO change in you...so much easier so you cannot care about his opinion anymore, if you have searched yourself enough.

Absolutely. I am at peace and have been for a long time about my motives and will continue assessing my behavior and questioning it to keep myself honest. This is no time to do differently.

He'll also be relying on her, (and or her h's alimony/CS) for HIS own financial welfare, correct? That's a relief, isn't it? I mean, HE does have other resources, which you presently lack.

I don't know if OW's D is final yet. I also know from my H that neither she nor her H make a lot of money. Plus she lives in the Bay Area and we are in S CA. Their R is still long distance at this time. So I don't think she will help him financially, except for maybe taking on the travel down here instead of him flying up there every other weekend.

But will OW be the caretaker of your kids while YOU work? That seems odd. Let HER work so YOU can take care of YOUR kids...

She won't. She doesn't even live here and she has two kids of her own that she shares custody of with her H. Needless to say, she has her hands full as well.

KG, is it possible that HE will use this as an excuse for not rushing back into work? Do we know ANYTHING about OWs resources?

Almost makes me want to check their FB status and see how often they date and travel and buy things, like cars and homes...

I mean, don't let yourself get screwed over here. I believe I'm being a little paranoid right now on your behalf.

= I don't want you to believe that he's trying to screw you, b/c I don't, but I worry that it COULD be true.

Keep your guard up when it comes to feeding your kids and having mommy time with them.

I have thought about all of this myself, believe me. And I think that is why my siblings and H's sister have told me not to rush back to work. They fear H taking advantage of the sitch and not hurry his own job search process.

And they are also worried since he told me three weeks ago that he was filing. I have not received anything, but I know he met with his lawyer. His not having a job would probably benefit him financially in the D.

So, Your goals are

1) the kid's lives change as little as possible; w/stability & mom time the main priorities.

2) you must economize b/c finances are tight, at your end at least.

(I'm not clear on what OW can do. Why can't SHE contribute to the "home" she is building with your h?)

3) You must be clear about your values/priorities and follow them, without regard to what your h believes about them. (The more you defend them to him, the more he doubts them.)

Live your life according to your newfound beliefs and behaviors.

Detach from his expressed opinion. Nothing you SAY will change his mind.

His beliefs about your motives, or his expressed beliefs, cannot matter to you or it'll sway you from your living your true values.

4) do the above, and Be At Peace.

Yes, yes, yes and yes.
Thanks for keeping me focused on the goal line.
((((25)))