But how does letting go/detaching not say to H that I have checked out and that our marriage is over? That's what his silence says to me.
I didn't want to let go. I just didn't want to get all upset again in a pursuit/avoid cycle.
I don't want my marriage to be over but I don't know what to do anymore and hasn't this gone on long enough?
I came home and there was a reminder on the ansaphone about an appointment for H tomorrow. I text him: reminder, x appointment tomorrow at 445pm.
I wish I'd thought more about the text. I wish I had been friendlier rather than cold and robot like. I didn't show the person I am.
Perhaps he'll see my coldness and think I don't want him to get in touch or as an indicator of just how much he has hurt me and will feel bad and withdraw more.
Why is he on radio silence? He has totally ignored all communication from me even when it's non R related. That really hurts.
Why did he say those repair relationship things before his trip and then switch to "caving" after telling me he had landed?
I'm so confused.
On the positive side at least I am not pursuing/pushing for answers but this feels like the biggest cycle yet with us both in NC.
His silence makes me feel that I am still at the mercy of his choices.
Is the only thing I can do - let our relationship completely disintegrate and focus on me?
Maybe we are both scared and don't know what to do?
Me 41 H39 T12 M9 No kids Bomb Oct 2010 and H moves out H moves back Sep 2011 and out Nov 2011 Piecing on and off since then til now Currently tumbling on my own rather than riding the cycling roller coaster
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
