I have read and re read and read again the chapter on infedility and while I understand it and can see it is the only way forward I cannot do it. I'm not even really sure why.
I totally understand, it is not at all an easy thing to do. Even though I'm a LBS now, twice during my M my W has breached my trust in a major way in financial issues. I told her both times it was in every way a betrayal of my trust not much different than an affair would have been. I did forgive her both times, but it was a very difficult decision to come to (especially the 2nd time). But once I did, it really did help me to restore inner peace.
Originally Posted By: inpain
You're right, I think I've more or less pushed him out the door at this point. It is sad that that is the case but I do feel I've tried much harder than he ever did to heal it all when, in my opinion, he should have been the one healing it as he caused the whole mess.
I think most of us can relate to what you're saying here. We spouses on these forums are doing ALL the work to reconcile and the wayward spouses do little or nothing other than drop the bomb and head out the door. They create the crisis and then run. But that's DB and it's why we're here. To support each other during our journeys through these crises that are not of our making.
Originally Posted By: inpain
I hate how bitter he has made me, I just can't imagine feeling "in love" with him ever again at this point. How do you love someone who hurts you and makes you so angry all the time?? I know you will probably say by forgiving!!!
I think this is a bridge we all have to cross at some point, we spend so much time trying to bring our spouses back that if/when it finally happens and the crisis is over, suddenly we have to stop, take stock and decide if we really want them back after all. Some decide they don't. And that's not about forgiveness, you can forgive him and still not ever really love him again. But love truly is a choice, we can choose to love whoever we want. You just have to decide if you can choose to love him or if you need to move on. You've probably built a wall around yourself to protect yourself from the pain he has caused, and to love him you have to tear that wall down, but that will make you vulnerable again. You have to decide whether he's worth that.
