I wonder, IP, if you have ever though about counseling from a preacher or someone like that. Someone who can help you through the healing and forgiving. Being able to see things the way God sees them is what helped me through it all. Seeing me become a better Christian is one of the things that convicted my H in his heart. Knowing I was going to follow God, no matter what happened, no revenge affair no telling everybody he and I know, or anything like that, he saw the improvement in me, and decided he wanted me, not some cheap female. And, no, your H is not worthy of forgiveness, but we do it anyway, because God says if we do not forgive, neither will He forgive us. I had to forgive a stepfather who molested me as a child, which wasn't easy, and forgiving my H, believe it or not, was almost as hard as that.
Now, he is being what a H should be. He sometimes slips up, but not often. I have had surgery a few weeks ago, and he has been taking care of me really well, going to the Dr. appts, cooking and all that.
Even if you can't get your H to go to counseling with you, consider going alone, you really need someone to talk to like that. I am really glad to hear you are starting a college course, that's really great! I hope you enjoy it, and make lots of friends.
Oh, chatterbug, sorry I referred to you as chatterbox.
