I've done everything wrong and need help!!!!!

[Accuray]

Kevin,

It's important not to thrash around between various strategies and approaches. I think the vets here will tell you that putting together a plan specifically to get your spouse back really won't work. The key is in understanding what you need to change about yourself to make yourself the best spouse you can be for *anyone*. Once you are living your life the way you want to live it, and are in touch with exactly who you want to be, your wife *will* notice those changes and that's when you have a chance for a new start.

If she suspects that you're doing something "to get her back", then her natural fear is that as soon as she comes back, you regress to the man you were and everything goes back to how it was before, and she doesn't want that back.

Read "DivorceBusting" and "The Divorce Remedy". Based on how you're thinking about things above, there are three more books I can suggest that are male-oriented:

"Hold Onto Your N.U.T.S."
"No More Mr. Niceguy"

These books are about boundary setting and enforcement. It's about eliminating passive aggressive behaviors, making covert contracts, and giving in order to get. A lot of guys here find this very useful.

"The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011"

This book is about being a husband that is attractive to women. It talks about the fact that men have alpha traits and beta traits. Alpha traits are dominant behaviors, and beta traits are supporting and caring behaviors. Over the course of a marriage, it's possible to end up too far on one end of the spectrum, and this book is about finding your way back to a mix that works for your wife. Too caring (beta) is not attractive, too dominant and independent (alpha) and they don't feel fulfilled. Good stuff to read but don't expect miracles.

Of course start with "Divorce Busting" and "The Divorce Remedy", until you read those you are wasting your time trying to formulate your own plans, you don't have a map yet.

Accuray