I've done everything wrong and need help!!!!!

[Accuray]

with that in mind her OM is not to enter our marital home

Boundaries are good, but this is one you can't enforce unless you are there all the time. If she brings OM into your marital home, then what? Really there's nothing you can do in response to that boundary being crossed. A boundary has to be expressed in a way that the consequence is something YOU will do, not that someone else can or cannot do. For instance, "I will not be spoken to with that tone, if you use that tone, I will walk away and end the conversation." That's something you can enforce. You're not saying "you can't use that tone", you're saying that "if you do, I will end the conversation." Subtle but important difference.

My tactic now is now she's been honest with me show her the honesty has worked and we can begin to talk with no presure or anger because she has shown me respect.

You are interpreting an act of giving on her part where none exists. I don't think she did this FOR you, do you?

You shouldn't be using pressure or anger anyway because neither one will work, they will only make your situation worse. Even if she blatantly disrespects you pressure and anger won't help you accomplish your goals.

Your tactic should be to let her know you are open to reconciling. Tell her that only once, if she's not deaf, she heard you so no need to repeat it. Then, give her space and let her do as she will, because you can't control her. Trying to do so will only make you crazy. DivorceBusting suggests you should:

(1) 180: Turn around the things that annoyed her historically. Do the opposite of what she might expect, but do it for yourself. Don't do anything to put on a show, earnestly evaluate what you need to change to be successful in this or any other relationship.

(2) GAL: Go out and get a life, have fun, it makes you attractive and someone who it seems fun to be with.

(3) Act-as-If: Act as if everything is fine. Be happy when you see her, not happy *to* see her, happy in spite of seeing her.

Accuray