I've done everything wrong and need help!!!!!

[Accuray]

Kevin, the short answer is that DR says not to talk to your wife's friends or family about your sitch -- don't ask them to try to influence her on your behalf, and don't use them to gather information about what your wife is doing.

Why?

1) That is HER support structure, not yours. She will resent you for messing with the relationships she relies upon for support

2) Her family and friends are likely to be more loyal to her than to you, so you're setting yourself up to have the rug yanked (as it just was)

3) You will create awkwardness forever with these people once you involve them, even if you later reconcile

4) People who have not been in this situation cannot understand it, therefore they will give both of you bad advice if your goal is to reconcile. They will do it with the best of intentions, but their advice will usually make things worse

5) There is nothing they can say or do anyway to change her mind, and even if they could it would be temporary at best, there are no shortcuts for the passage of time.

Definitely get the book -- check the library

Accuray