Newman, you mentioned detaching and GAL'ing, but then you say things like you told your W's family about your sitch and had them talk to her, and you've confronted her about the EA multiple times. Please understand, that is NOT detachment!! You're doing the opposite of detaching, you're pursuing and applying pressure to her!! Here are some of Michele's 180 tips:
1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore. 6. Do not ask for help from family members. 7. Do not ask for reassurances. 12. Act as if you are moving on with your life. 13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive. 16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. 19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show her someone she would want to be around. 20. All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while). 23. Do not argue about how she feels (it only makes their feelings stronger). 24. Be patient 26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out. 30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
You get the idea. Detachment is all about removing ALL pressure from your W. No R talks, no S talks, no D talks, no EA talks, no OM talks at all. Just act "as if" everything is OK even if it isn't. She says she wants to leave? Tell her you understand why she feels that way and maybe it's best for both of you if she does. The more pressure you apply the more you'll solidify her decision to leave. The more you go with the flow, the more free she will feel and less inclined she'll be to do something drastic. SHE has to sort through her thoughts and emotions, all YOU can do is work on yourself. Become confident, healthy, good-looking, kind, loving. Work out, get in shape. Get in touch with old friends. Go out. By mysterious. Be a person she can't live without. You may have to fake it at first, but eventually you'll believe it yourself and won't be faking it anymore.
