My wife and I are recently separated, based on my own experience I would suggest that you table all D discussions and if she brings it up then tell her you want to take it a step at a time, S first D later. It takes a lot of the pressure off.
As Tori said, you need to let your W know she's free to go. You might want to read Dobson's "Love Must Be Tough", it talks about this in great detail. She feels trapped, but when you open the cage door the pressure is released and it will change her frame of mind. She'll probably still need to go to get her thoughts sorted. I can tell you that things in my own R changed substantially once W knew she was free to go. She still left, but we've been getting along better than ever since the time I "released" her and stopped all R talks. Reconcilation may be months away for me if it's in the cards at all, but I feel confident the way to that has been paved as smoothly as possible. And that's what this is all about, laying the groundwork- planting seeds and waiting for them to grow.
