We seperated mid June, and since then there has really been zero movement. I've done a good job of GAL, i've done a good job with NC and not pursuing, I can't say i've done quite so good at detaching, but Im not sure she would know that. Externally i've detached well, internally probably not so much.
Here is my question, 4 months in and no movement do I need to do something different?
I'm only 4 months in as well, but based on reading DB and DR (more than once) I'd say that if you've seen no baby steps then you definitely should try something different. If there are no baby steps then what you're doing isn't working.
Originally Posted By: Carnac
im talking about do I try to initiate more talks? Do I ask her to dinner?
Definitely don't initiate any R talks. Let her do that. Asking her to dinner is probably a bit much too. A DB move would be more along the lines of coming up with something she might like to do (sailing, ceramics class, whatever) and tell her you're going and ask if she'd like to join you. If she says "no" then act as if that's fine with you, and you go anyway. There's much less pressure in this scenario, she's going along with you to something you want to do anyway rather than being pressured into accepting a "date".
Originally Posted By: Carnac
I was at our house last week and saw she was reading a book on co-dependency and detaching. My worry at that point became that by doing the NC thing im helping her accomplish what she's trying to accomplish, although Im not sure what the alternative is because I know for sure that full on pursuing is never going to work.
I know where you're coming from because I want to analyze every little thing my W does as well. But like the DB saying goes, don't believe anything she says and only half of what she does. Try not to read anything into her actions, just stick to your 180's and give her space to sort through her thoughts and emotions.
