Dreams for me usually indicate that Im working through something because they always seem to revolve around some issue bothering me.
I had a dream XH came for me and showed up out of town where I had gone for the weekend. Somehow I knew he was coming. He extended his hand, helped me stand up and we embraced. It was so nice to have him in my arms again.
We were at some theme park, or boardwalk or something and his paternal side of the family was there. This is the family that he wrote off a year ago, and has just NOW gotten back on facebook into the land of the living so they can see him. He turned off his facebook when they all tried to reach him that way when he first left. They wanted to help us and help XH knowing he was going through something. Proof enough, you can't help an MLCer...they just write you off.
AT any rate in the dream XH had a jewelry case that obcviously had some bracelet in it, and he told me he had to give me something.
At the time we were hand in hand, and next thing you know I was distracted by someone's kids not all together and we needed to find that one child. When we did find the child, XH was gone. I caught up with him and he was walking away and I grabbed his hand and turned around and stopped and looked at me.
That's when it ended.
So to sum it up, I think that just means Im used to him coming and going in my life....and it signifies he turns away if I have to turn to something important, like children.
Damn it...maybe I should try and pray for indifference, but if I do that all the feelings eventually come back to be dealt with anyway.
Im just sick of going through phases where I don't want to see him ever again, to reaching a level of understanding and forgiveness and then missing him all over again.
I don't have energy to hate all the time and have no desire to do so. But it [censored] feeling something for someone and not being able to express it because of the fear that brings. Fear of rejection, fear of ridicule, fear of being taken advantage of, and fear of it not even being acknowledged.
