Little did I know that by doing that I was actually shutting my H out. And here we are as a result.
yes that's what i've spent this year uncovering - all the unresolved issues within myself that made me shut myself away from everyone else.
i really believe the key to all of this is to make ourselves emotionally healthy and whole. anything within us that is unresolved tends to reflect in the relationship, because we are an integral part of how the patterns work
so if you have the urge to "fix" like all of us do - keep fixing yourself. be relentless in that pursuit, make it your first priority
from what you wrote, is it possible that you are focusing on your mother and the issues you had with her? maybe you could put her aside and see what is behind your having needed to be so perfect? could it be she was just the trigger in some way?
my need to be perfect - came up when s was born big-time - and i transformed into an OC monster overnight. everything had to be just right. you know it's funny, but i think that the dynamics between h and myself brought that out. after he moved out it became so much easier not to be that. so i wonder if 2 people actually bring out certain aspects of each others character over time
well enough for tonight - you have a lot to mull over and maybe taking a mental break from it would be better than anything else
take care RoRo
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
