Divorced #5. And I think Im getting it..

[Carnac]

MrsD: Just keep working hard. It actually gets easier, i don't even like that it has gotten easier, but it has. You simply have to make sure your going more than 2 steps forward and 3 steps back because you never get anywhere that way. So now that you have made it through two days then wake up tomorrow and tell yourself that you can make it through another day...and you do that everyday and then one day you will look up and realize you haven't talked to him in a week or more.

[Mrs D]

I understand. However, if you keep saying things like...

""Im never letting him go Bond if I get that chance."

I suggest you change your DB name to Annie Wilkes (google it if you don't know who that is).

Annie Wilkes from Misery? You are kidding me right

[Mrs D]

Thank you Carnac for staying positive for me. I want to do it. I just get caught up sometimes in my thoughts and then I cave. I just hope the stuff I have done hasnt put a bad effect in anything.

[labug]

And you got caught up in the other guys and cheated on your H. We've all been where you are. This is difficult, we can all attest to that but learning to do what's best even when it's difficult is what life is about as an adult.

What does self-control look like to you? Do you expect your S to have self-control? Do you have developing self-control on your list of goals?

[MrBond]

I don't know...you kind of started sounding like it. Maybe you need to put a picture of her up by your phone next time you feel the urge to call him. : )

[labug]

And you got caught up in the other guys and cheated on your H.

We've all been where you are in feeling confused and alone. This is difficult, we can all attest to that but learning to do what's best even when it's difficult is what life is about as an adult.

Needed to change that a bit.

[unbidden]

Honestly, you're still making excuses. You're just excusing the fact that you're making excuses in your posts. We all miss our Hs. Hold yourself to some better standards and try looking at why you are just doing what you want and then trying to excuse it. I would give you a 2x4 but I don't know how to make those. You are better than how you've been acting. There is a terrific person in there. Let her out and have faith in her. You really can do it.

[Arsene]

Like Carnac says, just think about one day at a time.

Whenever you feel like calling or texting, reassess your reasons for doing it. Don't make up stuff about your S or other excuses. Stop and think about it. Does it really warrant contacting him? If you still think so, then come on here and ask us. We'll tell you and by that time, for one, the urge should be gone and second, you might get ideas on how to better communicate what you want to say to him.

How often does he pick up your S? if it's daily, just wait for him t be there picking up your S to tell him stuff. Keep it short, simple, business-like and avoid any pursuit or R talk. Be the first one to end to convo.

It's not easy but again, we all go through this and it isn't easy for any one but do you want to know what it a lot more difficult? Knowing that you've lost him forever because you couldn't exert self-control.

Come one MrsD. I really think you have a chance at this based on what happened a few weeks ago. You were doing well and then you got pushy. Back off. Give him space. Let him do the first move and please, stop pursuing!!

Good luck girl!

[Mrs D]

Thanks Arsene.
I am on day 3 without contacting him other than about C. And that was Sunday. I took Carnacs advice, placed it in my head that there was no reason for contact unless it had to do with C. Even last night when he walked C up to the door when he dropped him off, I sat on the couch working, didnt go to the door like I normally would have. C came in the house and X was gone. And I was ok with it. Seriously ok.

Now that X isnt working any OT, he picks C up from school on his nights, then drops him at the house. He normally just drops him off, but last night he walked to the door with him. I do pick C up on Wednesday nights after therapy. This week is going to be the first week where I have C for the weekend, Friday night through Sunday night. After X dropped C off last Sunday, I told him that I thought we needed to have a scheduled time of dropoff on Sundays. He dropped him off at 9 AM so he could go biking again, instead of spending the day with C. So we agreed that Sunday nights at 8 is when he will be dropping C off. He wont get to see C on Sundays until he's laid off from work. Then Ill drop him off at that time. AFter tomorrow night, X wont see C until Monday night. 4-1/2 days without seeing C. It will be interesting for sure.

Anywa - still feeling pretty strong today about not contacting him. So yay me! Ill update later when I tell you all I made it through the day!! Happy Tuesday.

[Mrs D]

Day #3 has been accomplished!!! Why? Cause Im heading to bed soon, and I havent contacted him!! This has got to be a first for me! To hit day #3!!! Wahoo!!