Today's update is a lot like the previous day's updates... I had a great weekend, Friday and Saturday were mostly spent alone with my puppy, cleaning up the house, relaxing in front of the T.V. and writing. Sunday I spent the whole day with a couple groups of friends watching football and having a genuinely great time.
I got home Sunday night and the sadness started creeping in at my voice echoed through the empty house again. It seems like the better my day goes, the better my GALing goes, the harder the nights become, missing W, being confused by my sitch and the lack of communication we're having these days, and just wondering when my PMA and GALing will keep me smiling through the lonely nights.
But I'm definitely doing better than I was a month ago, even a few weeks ago. I know these most recent developments with W and the period of "Dark" i'm going through are part of the natural ebb and flow of DBing. And I know you folks will always be here to give me words of encouragement so I can pick myself up by my bootstraps and soldier-on through the darkness. Thanks for that!
Alkaline, I have not seen it yet...but i do believe firmly that there is light at the end of the darkness.
and that you will see it soon
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TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
you are not alone in the sunday night blues after a good weekend.. i felt it too last night. i am trying to remind myself that i am truly starting to enjoy so many other parts of my life and feel so much better in general.. that this will change in time too. i also tell myself that this feeling is just letting me know what i want again in my life, it is only info for me, and that i will have it one day.
it sounds like you are doing so so well overall.
i also like to remind myself of this quote lately: "By not knowing, not hoping to know and not acting like we know what's happening, we begin to access our inner strength." Pema Chodron
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Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
I too had the same feelings...I was getting a little nervous because I was GALing and feeling so good that maybe I did not want my W back...then dropped of my kids saw her my heart broke again...she looked so good. I hope this method works..I can tell my W wants to miss me but after 1 month...not so much I am afraid. I have to go dark...got to get busy when you feel the pain, clean house, exercise etc.....
Thank you Bustingout and Needgrace. I'm sure that one way or another, we'll all end up better for these trials and tribulations.
I must admit that over the last few days, as my GALing and PMA have become a major focus of my life, I'm feeling an anxiety that I've never felt in my life once I get back home... It's very strange... It's like a trouble breathing, heart skipping beats kinda anxiety and I'm not sure where it's coming from. I'm hoping it goes away on its own pretty soon, but will be discussing with IC next week if it doesn't.
And thanks for the quote needgrace! It's fantastic!
I can have a great time out, really let go of my sitch and enjoy the moment, and then get home and think 'oh...that's right....cr@p'.
again, it is part of the process. step by step. who knew we would actually be able to GAL and enjoy it? but we are.
so things do get better.
we just must keep out paths..
take care
(((((( )))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Hey AT, just getting caught up on your sitch. Man, I know all about the anxiety and the lonely quiet house. I also know about the difficult Sunday night, it was a tough one for me as well. Hang in there buddy, I know this is difficult, keep fighting.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Well we're going on week two without any "meaningful" communication with W. I qualify it because I had to forward W a work-related email yesterday, to which she responded in a strictly-business approach... letting me know she's working a temp job this week and will be back to her other duties starting tomorrow, an arrangement that gels fine with her job-description as she's only asked to work 10 hours a week for my company.
I responded to her email, answering the work related question she posed and ending with "Thanks W. I hope you're doing well".
Today, despite the lack of a response, I'm not feeling the usual "sting" that comes after our communications. Probably because it was strictly-business. Or maybe I'm just doing a better job detaching than I've given myself credit for.
After all, I'm starting to remind myself, whenever I feel the pains of W's absence, whenever I start missing her in a substantial way, I'm reminding myself that she made the decision to leave, that she's making the decision to continue with OM, and that she's making the decision to not reach out. When all these things factor in, the missing of my W fades just enough that I can breathe normally again and work on pushing my thoughts to something more productive.
I FINALLY woke up early this morning and forced myself into the Gym... For 12 weeks I made it my routine to do this every Monday-Friday and occasionally on the weekend... But over the last couple weeks, I've slacked off to two or three times a week... Which I can't do. And, when I left the gym this morning, my body reminded me of WHY I need to keep this up... The euphoria that comes from a good workout lasts most of the day... And the results I see in the mirror help boost that fragile self-esteem!
So in short: Today I miss her, but I don't NEED her. I want to work things out, but I'm already doing everything I can do (at least for now) to contribute to that and I can't get upset if I don't see progress from her end... Because she's made her decisions and I've made mine... I'm paving a path home, but I'm not waiting to take her by the hand and guide her. I'm just leaving a trail of awesome behind that she can follow if she wishes...
