So what were the things that you were doing when you two fell in love? What were the things you USED to like to do?
The same things we’ve been doing all along. Working, building up our home, going places, doing road trips and resort vacations. Since her Mom passed last December she’s had a MLC awakening and decided that her life is no longer satisfying for her. Wants to head out and do things on her own, find out who she is. She looks at other people’s lives with envy, and is convinced that she has missed out on something grand. “I’ve wasted 30 years of my life, and now it’s almost over” was one of her comments.
I’m having a difficult time understanding how someone can be content for 30 + years, and then suddenly decide they are not. Especially when we always got along well and almost never had complaints. If she was truly unhappy and “not in love with me” all this time like she now says, why didn’t she ever say so?
Even now she admits that she is thankful for the life she has had. Yet she still thinks it might be better without me. Says even if she falls flat on her face and ends up in a worse situation and more unhappy, she feels she has to give it a try. I’ve always encouraged her to do whatever she wanted, and that hasn’t changed. She took two vacations this year without me, and has a third one planned.
My perception is that she’s always had low self esteem and never loved herself enough. It seemed that no matter how much I tried to build her up, encouraged and supported her, it had little positive effect.
Here’s a conversation with me she initiated yesterday:
While discussing a trip out of state where she's planning to visit and stay with Laura, a manager who she previously worked for, she mentioned that “Laura was the only one who ever believed in me.. encouraged me to grow and told me I could do it.” "My parents never did this, nor did any of my teachers". "I know you say you did, but that's different."
I mostly just listened but then I said “Maybe it's different because it's just expected from a spouse, and often gets taken for granted.”
She is no doubt bored with her life, and doesn't really know what she wants. All I can do is be the best H I can be, make a happy life of my own, and wait to see what happens.
How do I balance our time apart with our time together?
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
