WAW Spouce wife says she is not in love with me.

[witz10]

Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: adinva]
witz10 Online content
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Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 212
Loc: PA
Adinva. I am just making him aware that I know about him occasionally watching my children and his drinking when he is around them.

I also know women are all different and everyone has there own thing. Just seems I have found some really winners as of late.


Just a quick little tid bit of confusion. I really don't speak with my W all that much. But last week she contacted me on some strange things. I needed some paperwork from her for a loan I am trying to get, so I text her. She was fine with it then told me her Grandfather was diagnosed with dementia. I told her I was sorry he is a nice man and if her parents needed help with anything to let me know. I also asked her if she was ok. She said she was fine, like usual. We did not talk again till that Thursday. She went to the Phillies game Wednesday night with OM. How do I know this well it was on the Cozi family calendar site. Now with her being a psychologist she has a work calendar as well as a home calendar. Why post on the family calendar that she was going, only for me to see it and know she was going. Makes no sense. Is she trying to make me jealous? Then on Thursday she instant messaged me out of the blue that she has a conundrum and needs advice. I asked her what it was. An old friend of ours has a boyfriend that my W found on the megans law website. Something he did 10 years ago in his 30's. Do I think our friend knows. I said its something I am assuming he has brought to her attention and sadly I have not spoken to her in a long time and neither has my W. So if for some reason my W is out and has the kids and sees them, if for some reason she becomes uncomfortable then say you have to be someplace and excuse yourself. Was my advice.
She then informed me it has been a weird week for her and the guy almost dying at the phils game the night before was just another. I then laughed to myself and said OK what happened now. Apparently where she was standing in the parking lot some guy was there not even 5 minutes later and fell over having a heart attack. The same spot she was 5 minutes prior. This weirded her out. I asked was the guy alright? She said they were doing cpr on him. Now if it was me I would have stuck around as a witness instead she went into the game with OM.
I informed her this was the weirdest IM conversation we have ever had.

Is it me or was she reaching out or something? I don't know. This past weekend she went down to the beach to OM's family house. She asked me if she could take the kids with. I told her no I had plans with them, which I did. Plus I wanted her to see him in his element lets say. Last year when he went down with my neighbor the first night he got drunk and mouthed off to a cop who then threw him down to the ground. So when I dropped kids off to her yesterday afternoon she asked me if something was wrong, I was quiet and not talkative. I said nope. I mean what am I going to say with people in the pool next to the parking lot. Yes something is wrong for someone who is so smart your a fool for putting all of us through this. Nope I will wait and do that when she gives me separation papers, of which I am still waiting.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

[witz10]

I have not been on here in a while and I will be updating at some point tonight.

[witz10]

Last update was 5/29 so obviously its been a while.
So lets see where to start. Been going to the gym still have a friend there that is a trainer who helps me out and there is a big difference to my body over the last few weeks. I actually had to pick up some new shorts and pants. Went from a size 34 to a 32 or 33 waist. Busy at work and still trying to put money away to buy a home for myself and my kids.
Now as for my wife, she is still seeing the drunk. Her grandfather passed away and I felt bad for her and her family. I also was sad cause I couldn't help out. I offered to her and her parents if they needed anything. I went to the funeral which was a surprise when I told her mom I was coming.
My wife took my kids to the shore with her mother for the week before the funeral. She invited me down to spend time with our kids. Which I went had a good time. Until she gave me the camera and I was looking at the pictures on it from the day. Well I went to far and there were pics of him and her. My roller coaster ride went down hill. She took my son on a ride and my mother in law asked what was wrong. I looked at her and said for all the college and grad school that my wife has done, for as smart as she is she is a blanking moron. My MIL agreed and then proceeded to tell me they got into an argument about why my in laws don't ask about him. My MIL wishes that she would open her eyes and see what she lost. Made me feel a little better. Next day I took my car to my FIL for work to be done. He and I were talking and I told him about the argument they got into. He looked at me and said his gut feeling is she will get hurt and figure out she made a big mistake and try to get me back. So along with friends who don't understand her even her own parents don't know why she is doing this.
I know I am living my life for me. Yes I am on some dating sites and have gone on 3 first dates. Nothing felt awkward but nothing also came of it. Do I still hold out hope yes, but how long do I hold out for? Its not like I am going out with many women. In fact most of them won't even talk to me because they see separated in the profile and kids and that is a double whammy. I refuse to put in divorced or single like some people have said. I am not that guy.

I confronted her about being short with me when I would drop kids off. Her response was I don't know how to be friends with you after 15 years of being together. Some friends of mine that are women said she is afraid to talk with me because she sees the changes and her feelings could come back. Every time I am around her I am myself. Joking, courteous, and nice.

My old neighbor called me to catch up and to see what I thought of the Roger Waters concert. I asked him if he went. Yep the drunk bought 4 tickets for the floor. Himself, my wife, neighbor and another drunk. My neighbor told me that the 2 drunks kept running for drinks throughout the whole show. He also made the comment that he thinks the infatuation is starting to wear off with him. Yea I still hold onto the fact that we can work something out.

I picture being in my home making dinner with my kids. I plan on inviting her over every now and then but I can see her flirting with me to get me back. I told this to my therapist. He said your still optimistic.

I got an email from her telling me she is going to get to the separation agreement when she has time she is concentrating on going through the kids toys and storage. This is something she has been working on for over 9 months I think.

I was looking for a facebook invite she sent out for my daughters bday party that was this past sunday. I went to her page to find it and see she read an article on yahoo 5 secrets to a happy marriage revealed by divorce. I told my therapist this one and he started laughing. Then said she must be confused.

Pretty much it in this nut shell of life. I know its a bit jumbled but a lot has happened and didn't want to post a novel.

[witz10]

I try not to focus on what she does. I ignore as best as I can. I only know what my son tells me and again this is out of the mouth of a 6 year old.
Like I said just looking toward my future with my kids in our own house. If there is someone in my future then good. Her loss is someone else gain.

Question how do I treat my inlaws. Considering my mil just called me yesterday for my bday and invites me over with my kids for dinner. I know she wants to see them. I read somewhere that you should just cut all ties. Not sure

[~ kd ~]

I read somewhere that you should just cut all ties. Not sure

Did you read that in DB or here? That sounds odd, even for DB.

Does your ILs get to see the kids otherwise? Just curious.

Here's the thing. You decide whether you want to continue a R with the ILs. The reality is, they ARE family to your kids.

Why would you want to cut ties with them?

[witz10]

No I don't want to cut ties. They don't understand what she is doing and know she is making a mistake as well. My mil called me on my birthday and my fil I can call and helps me with my car since he is my mechanic. I know its not fair to my kids either. I was thinking of calling them and seeing about bringing kids over for dinner. Its just hard when I am with them and they know how much I still love her.

She emailed me last night regarding her getting ready to go back to work and how we will handle our kids. then she hit me with this. {On another note - how long are we going to keep this going for? At this point, neither one of us has been protected financially or legally from anything the other is doing and it just feels as though we are both stuck at this point. Thoughts?}

My answer was this {I thought you were getting the agreement together that is what I was waiting for. In all honesty condo, other then the mortgage, is yours I don't care about it. You keep paying for it I am fine. I am still trying to lower the interest rate as well. The Harp program is a little weird and the banks don't have a good handle on it yet. Do we need to sit down again? I have all my bills I am covering YMCA family, his after care as well as Ruth}

Her response today {so I guess real quickly that covers the logistical and tangible things. but that doesn't address the marriage}

My response {You know where I stand, what I have done and what I am trying to do. I don't want to talk about this via email.}

One of my kids bday presents to me was a car my w bought from the movie cars 2. it was Mel Dorado and the only reason she bought it was the first name was the same as my fathers.

She wants me to drop the axe and I won't do it. This is what she wanted from the get go. I realized she wanted this when we started couples counseling last year before I moved out. She gave up while I still try to hold on.

[witz10]

She is dropping of the separation agreement to me tomorrow. Oh one step closer now. Right now I am not feeling anything just sort of numb cause I do know I will end up better in the long run.

Tomorrow when the papers are in my hand is a different story

[witz10]

Apparently the agreement is not as important to bring with when she dropped the kids off before leaving for the beach.

[witz10]

I was wrong the Agreement was in the bottom of the bag under all my kids toys and blankets. Oh to read the words "live the rest of their lives separated indefinitely" is not fun.

[witz10]

My W and I have been emailing each other back and forth. One of the bigger things that bothers me about this is in one email she sent to me, she wrote that neither of us have tried to get us back on track. Which is a total lie. I asked her out at least 3 or 4 times and she always said no. She even said in an email that she felt bad for saying no to me so many times.
I just think its funny that she doesn't remember doing this at all. I bought tickets to shows we both would like and offered them to go as friends, she said it would be awkward. Again I tried. I have tried so much I am tired of trying.
She wants to get this all settled now and wants me to contact my attorney to get things moving. She is short on money and doesn't want to pay for her attorney. Again though this is what she wanted. I am not the same person that moved back here to philly. I am the person she married 9 years ago, she just doesn't want to see it.