busted affair again!

[Denver_2010]

I do think that it is possible for you to become the WAS. I'm not sure that I'd classify you as that at this point. I guess that I was surprised that YOU suggested the separation right after she supposedly ended things with OM.

That part about your W not knowing how to get those feelings for you back? VERY common problem around here. Even those of us who have been lucky enough to get our wives to reconsider, have struggled with that part.

How do you get someone to be IN LOVE with you again... especially when their mind is lost in the glitter of a new relationship??

Honestly, I don't think that you can. I tried and tried and tried for over a year. It finally took me giving up and being DONE for my W to realize what she was throwing away. I finally told her that I wanted a D, completed the paperwork, and asked her to sign the documents. We didn't talk for about a month and the paperwork just sat there. I went almost completely dark on my W. Somehow, someway, she snapped out of it and began to contact me... wondering if I would consider continuing to work on our M. She moved back into our house within a week... after 18 months of being physically separated... 18 months of pure hell. And things are finally good. Her feelings for me did come back.

Prior to that, all I heard was that she didn't know if those feelings would ever come back, she didn't know if she could forgive me, that OM was "a chance at happiness" that she was scared to give up.

Maybe this separation will be the answer for you. I don't know. What I do know is that you have to let her travel her own path here. And that MAY include OM being a part of it. If she has feelings for him, she is going to have to resolve that for herself. And you are going to have to let her. You cannot force it to happen and you can not expedite it happening. She has to go through it.

Keep posting. Hang in there. I know how hard and painful this is.

Denver