Based on you threading waters for the past few months, I assume that you still want your H back, that you would work on forgiving him, and would want to work towards a new and better R. Your H still seems to struggle with shame and forgiveness. Did you at any point say that despite all that's happened that at some point he needs to forgive himself for what he's done, and he would need to forgive you for the "grief" you've caused him. And did you tell him (if that is how you feel) that you are working on forgiveness yourself, forgiving him for the choices he's made and yourself for the pain you caused him?
No, we've never talked about him forgiving himself or me for that matter. It came up a little last night, but he wouldn't really talk about it. I told him last night that working to forgive him has been one of the hardest things, but I do, even though some days it's hard to do. I told him that I was sorry I had hurt him so bad that he felt like he had to walk away.
Originally Posted By: nhmom
I could be completely off base, but I feel like your H is the type of person who would need affirmation - not saying that what he did was ok, but telling him that what's done is done, and that in order to move on one needs to forgive....whether he would move on with you or without you.
I think you are right about the affirmation, but I'm not even sure where to start. I've been consistent in my changes, and he sees that. But how do I bring this up without having another night like last night? I told him I could see the hurt and pain in his eyes when I look at him. I know its not all because of me, but I do think he believes it starts with me.
