Yesterday, W offered to come along with me to help me buy stuff for the house. It helps to have her around as it brings the price of things down and in my present financial position, I'll take all the help I can get.
It was a nice enough day. W was late but when she showed up I was cheerful (I've been doing that for quite a while now and it's a huge 180 - in the past I was very impatient and wouldn't let anyone forget how long i had been waiting) and we got a lot of basic stuff for the house and D8. W offered me lunch so we sat at a food stall and had a nice light chat while eating. At one point, again for no apparent reasons, she just reached out and put her arm around me and held on tight. Still it felt more sisterly than anything. I didn't reciprocate.
At some other point in the day she also said that she thought it had been a mistake to come to this city instead of going to the touristic area of the country, as we had planned. I was kind of taken by surprise and held back what I would have said in the past (That's what I've been telling you all along) and instead said that this city wasn't so bad and that every place has its own challenges and problems (STFU!!). obviously this is a place when I should have just validated or even ask her why she thought that but I wasn't thinking.
Another thing that came out was when we were talking about the tantrums that D8 seems to be going through more often these days. W said that D8 had always had them but that she hadn't done it in front of me because she was afraid of me. W says that due to my changes, D8 is no longer afraid to express her feelings in front of me and that would explain why I seem to notice an increase.
W also said that she'd occasionally asked D8 if she wanted to go live with her at some point and D8 had in the past shown excitement at the idea, however, W said that the last time she'd asked, D8 had replied that she was happy with me and that she was ok here. W said she was happy to hear that. I'm not sure what to make of this.
When we got home, my friend (G) was waiting for me to practice our repertoire so I thanked W for her help and went to do that right away and W went to play with D8 in her new room.
G has known W for as long as I have and they are friends too. The three of us used to go on motorcycle rides together when I first met W and they got on well. He was my best man at our wedding and the three of us have performed together on a few occasions. W hadn't seen him since before I left for my country in May and she gave him a hug and said hi.
Later, G told me that he didn't recognize her. He said she was haggard and cold. Not the warm, fun-loving, kind woman he remembers. He was really taken aback. Another thing he said was that he was surprised that W hadn't mentioned our playing. We've been practicing this repertoire for some time and a lot of what we do is very good. He said that it just wasn't like her not to at least make a comment like:"It's sounding good guys!". He now understands what I meant when I said that she's not herself.
I'm now quite confused about what to do in my sitch. I thought I was learning and doing the right thing and that my plan was a good one. I was starting to feel good about myself but now with all the talk around here about the direction I should take, I don't know anymore. It's killed my PMA.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
