Thanks Cadet and unbidden for the input! She's definitely not interested in the M at this point. We've been through 5 or 6 counseling sessions and W just kept repeating "he's changed but I don't want to try anymore" and she finally said she was done with MC. That's when I put DB into effect and quit pressuring her about the M. No more counseling, no more deep R discussions. I must say that "acting as if" has taken a lot of the tension out between us. I started out "acting" happy and content, but the more I've done it the more content I've become and the less I've had to "act". At this point I feel like whether we reconcile or whether I move on to another woman there is a bright future waiting for me.
I dug back through this forum and others and read a lot of posts about Retrouvaille. It seems pretty clear that it has a lot of benefit when both spouses are questioning the M but willing to try, but it has very limited benefit (as far as saving the M) in the case where one spouse has cashed out, so it's off the table at this point.
Now for some random journaling. W slept in her rental for the first time Saturday, but she hasn't moved enough stuff over there to function yet so she was back home (in my/ our bed) last night. She doesn't seem to be in a particular hurry to move out. She started packing some stuff yesterday, so I went out and worked in the yard. When I came back in I was surprised to see she had quit packing and was messing around on her laptop posting pics of the kids on FB. We're still getting along great so there's no tension or anything. Just seems curious to me that she's got a house but doesn't seem to be in a hurry to get into it.
Every once in a while W does something that seems to indicate she forgets sometimes that she's "done" with me. For example, we went to eat dinner with the kids and she sat next to me, I was wearing shorts and she put her hand on my thigh and slid it upwards. Then it was like she suddenly realized we're not a "couple" anymore and pulled her hand away. I didn't react and I'm not reading anything into it, I'm not sure it's a baby step so much as her forgetting and acting like she used to briefly before catching herself.
But there was one nice baby step yesterday. One of the 180's I've done is I used to gripe a lot when we were driving, and especially about W's directions because she tends to do things like tell you to turn just as you're passing the intersection, LOL! I've completely stopped that and just go with the flow now. Miss the turn? No biggie, we can turn around and go back. It's all good. Anyway, W mentioned that she does the same thing with our D (who is currently on a learner's permit) and that D gripes about it. I said jokingly "so she's just like me then?", and W said "well, like how you used to be." A small step to be sure, but it was nice to hear W acknowledge that I've changed.
