IH Separation-continuing to grow as we grow apart

[Denver_2010]

I mean it could spook my W and oil up the gears on her plan D, which is definitely not what I want, I need to be the one who files if it comes to it, otherwise it'll just be a process to end everything and not an action that demands a reaction.

Bill

Sorry Bill, I'm not sure that using D to get a reaction is the right thing to do. It sounds like a tactic to me. I guess it might backfire and you might not get the reaction you expect. I think you should file for D when you are done. You might get a reaction but if you do, it'll be up to you what you do with it. You might not even be interested anymore when/if it comes.

When Denver filed, he'd had enough and was starting to look forward to life without W. W did come back within a month I think but that is not why he filed. JMO

That ^^^ is correct. Bill, you can be done with be disrespected, even be done with your M completely, and not file.

In fact, I never actually filed for D. I was done. True. I completed the paperwork and had it notarized. True. It was ready to file. True. But I did not file. When my W told me that she believed that filing was the right thing to do (a couple of weeks after me telling her that I was ready to file), I sat on it all. The reason that I did was simply because I was actually enjoying my summer and didn't want to start that process and potentially ruin the rest of it. I was going to wait a few weeks, maybe even a couple of months, and then go ahead and do it. It was during that period that W came back.

But see, she knew that I was serious. That I truly had reached the point of being done. Even though I had not actually filed the paperwork.

It was more what was going on in my head, in my heart, that showed. What caused her to know. What caused me to know that I was going to be okay. And what caused me to finally feel that I was okay with either outcome.

It can't be a tactic. You tell someone that you are going to file for a D, you better be prepared to be divorced.

You can take a tougher approach, you can set boundaries, without filing for a divorce.

Even the end requires patience and cannot be done in haste.