WHG: And so we file...

[workinghardguy]

It's been a good weekend. Only ended up really breaking down once this morning. Had all the kids all weekend which really helped keep my mind focused elsewhere, and we were busy

Friday night we went to the local, annual storytelling festival for the spooky stories night. For years I tried to get STBX to go there but never could. I still think she'd like it, but at least now I know the kids do Saturday the local fish and wildlife office had an open house. I think SD thought it was pretty nerdy going in, but even she had fun. She's a science and math nerd at heart so all the fish labs and equipment caught her eye. Of course the fish and critters caught the boys' eyes It was rewarding as we were driving home to hear SS say "I could work at a place like that some day".

Today we all slept in and vegged. Then I took all three to see the Pirates of Penzance at our local community theater. I'll admit I was nervous as Pirates is a bit deep perhaps for 6, 10, and 12 but they loved it... even SS. Afterward did some shopping and came home for pizza and "Alien". Just gone done helping SD make invitations for her sleepover in two weeks at STBX's house. Poor girl was sad because she wanted to put out invites but mom wouldn't let her use the printer as she's almost out of ink, needs the little she has for college papers, and can't buy more. So I told her we'd sit down and make some up. I can find the ink for three invitations.

Had a cry this morning for a short bit.. today is our sixth wedding invitation. Not reaching out to her was hard today. Most days it's easy, but today was hard. But I didn't. She didn't either. Like the day never existed.

I volunteered to keep the kids tonight rather than have them at her house. Ostensibly it's her night but I really didn't want to see her today of all days. So keeping them here means I don't have to see her. I'll have to see her tomorrow briefly when I drop off the kids' bags, but not tomorrow is not today.

Last thing before I sign off... a friend posted this on her Facebook page today. Usually this fluffy stuff annoys me, but this one really, really hit home. I share in the event it is of use to others:

"Much of the pain in life comes from having a life plan that you’ve fallen in love with and when it doesn’t work out, you become angry that you now have to pursue a new life plan.
If you want to tame your inner demons, you must not become attached to any particular life plan, and remain open to there being a better, happier life plan."

I know for me this is where much of my pain comes from. I had a life plan. I put up with so much crap while my STBX was in nursing school because it was worth it for the better life down the road. We had a plan. We had an agreement. And now that plan is gone and I feel plan-less. It's why the idea of dating fatigues me.. I don't want to make another plan... I want my old plan... so I sort of drift until I decide when I'm ready to start anew.