Afa, you are right. I think you've got to be clear on this one and bring it up when you talk to her. In a calm manner, remind her of your agreement and listen to what she has to say. Ask questions. Show you are actually listening. Then try to come up with an agreement that both of you have created, and repeat it so it is understood by both parties.
This is a very tough situation. My H never openly saw the OW. He lied and lied instead. Every time I found out about the lies, I would lose more of the trust. He said he lied bc he didn't want to hurt me. He also said that in his mind, he justified the A and didn't feel guilty about it. I think that's what your W is doing; she's telling herself that she's done with the M and she's exploring her options so it's okay--even though it is totally NOT ok.
It was in Sept of last yr when I found out he had remained in touch with the OW even though he had sworn the would never contact her again and had moved back into the house. That day I called my lawyer, and told him I had filed for D. He was in shock, and said he would commit to the M, to please stop the D. So the D filing did it. I wonder if it's time for you to think of an ultimatum or at least draw a bottom line. Read "Too good to leave, too bad to stay." It's a good book. Hope I helped. I know how hard this is...
