Never wanted D - always said I needed a break. I didn't like the person I was becoming - very bitchy and resentful. I thought separating was the only way to break the cycle. Thought it would make us both better. But I hated the idea of anything that made it "final".
I didn't want him to feel rejected. In fact, I said things to *try* to make it easier for him. I would rather deal with him angry than sad. He did come to accept that it was me and REALLY not him.
I would have lived quite happily for 6-12 mos with no SA or significant changes other than our living arrangements. My lawyer was the one who advised to get everything in writing ASAP because of the house. The SA also allowed us to separate our credit cards - he had his own, but 'mine' was joint. (Never liked the idea that he could see what I bought)
As for me, I have been doing a lot of web C, as well as in person every 3 weeks. I've also been doing a lot of reading. I realize that I was projecting my fear, anxieties and depression on him. I need to forgive myself first, then he can (maybe) forgive me. Lots of work still to do, but I'm doing it!
