this as an opportunity to let him know what i want and, more importantly, what i NEED, which i haven't gotten in years.
GOOD FOR YOU! (again)
number 35 is KEY for you!
Take your time, keep your boundaries but also don't hold him to crazy high standards. If you want to work on it, then you'll both be working and I've decided for me that no person or R is perfect but it's being willing to compromise and work on things. (in I'm believing less and less in passion and butterflies and more in friendship and communication.)
i am so inspired and impressed by how you have taken control of your own happiness and are really looking hard at what you need in a M.
Your list has been bothering me since I first read it and I am not sure exactly why. I am not sure if I am projecting my own stuff on it, but it feels overwhelming to me. As I write this I am wondering if it reminds me of the list my W came up w/ about my faults when we first started this journey. I remember thinking that she was not looking at me with "kind eyes" and that no M can survive without that.. and it felt like no matter what I did, it was wrong.. if felt like she did not want there to be any hope, that the list was not to work things out but to allow her to walk away.
i know your sitch is way way different and you were the one left behind.. and i apologize if my sitch is getting in the way of how i see yours..
but i wonder if your list reflects more of the hurt of what you have been through and less of what you really truly need and is less flexible than who you really are under that hurt..
just my very biased 2 cents.. i hope that is okay, SS.. ((((((((((( ))))))))))))
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Grace, of course it's all right. I respect your thoughts and opinion tremendously. And you are right; the list is mostly compiled from my painful experiences with H, his family, and his daughter. I will follow your advice and make it less about H and more about me. And, as I said above, number 1 really encompasses all the others, IMHO.
Bug, I think the deal breaker is having his daughter IN our marriage. But, if we follow number 1, that wouldn't happen.
I may just send him number 1 and ask him what that would mean to him. It could be a starting point?
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
I like the idea of seeing what it would mean to him. I think if you two would work on the list together it might mean more to both of you? I don't know this is all way beyond what I can advise on....maybe 25mlc can pop by I think she successfully reconciled.
Definitely make the list about your ideal man with no other person in mind. This is a list that reflects what you want not what H wasn't. That's another thing my IC told me. ;-) Craving red velvet cake and champagne!!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Good idea SS. It seems like a good starting point.
(((( ))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
