Can Turtles climb?

[zig]

thanks vera, Brit and labug - i know you have my back here and are looking out for me. thank you

I have just realized and finally know that I have my back too.

I know that sounds a bit strange - but this morning has been emotionally quite "eventful" for me.

I'm not going to defend myself here - you are all correct -why am I still gathering info from second hand sources - that's basically snooping and trying to have some kind of "control" over the sitch - just by "knowing" stuff.

I accept that I have been doing that, and after this last release that was pretty eye-opening to me, I find that I am really ready to let it go.

What maybe didn't get through in that post was that - in spite of knowing something like that - it didn't give me any particular hope - it actually gave me info that helped me to really see who h was and what he was about and to accept that part of him. To understand that what i was asking for in hoping for a reconciliation with him, there was this part of his personality that would always always be there, and was I willing to accept that in the person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life or not?

Last night I caught up with SS's thread - of course stunned at the turn of events - but her list - WOW - and all I could think was how much I had short-changed myself, and how much h had too. I didn't even know that those were the kinds of things one could expect from the person one chose to be with.

SS if you are reading this - I just want you to know that just reading your list transformed so many things for me, and gave me the first glimpse that I could possibly have the same one day. I really do wish you lots of love, grace and happiness as you make your decisions in the following months.


The insight I received into who and what I am and how I have been functioning was huge this morning and shocking, and I think I got down to a really really deep place where I just saw how I give up my own essence in the name of giving to others and what a wrong way to live.

I am ready after this to write an email to mil and to both my friends asking for their help. I am going to tell them that I know it is not good for me to know what is going on in h's life and with ow, but that I am not sure if I am strong enough not to ask or listen when they offer to tell me. So please if the conversation starts to go that way, would they help me by pointing it out and help me turn it to a more positive direction that is healthy for me. I know it's a bit weak on my part to elicit their help so that I can stay on course - and I will work through that also so that I can be strong enough to do it on my own.

I pushed myself way out of my comfort zone this morning - and the revelations that came up I think will be life changing for me. When I woke up this morning, I had no idea that in the next 3 hrs I would view myself as a completely different person to the one that I had been before.

Thanks my sweet wonderful friends - once again

I hope we all have a beautiful Sunday

love, zig