IH Separation-continuing to grow as we grow apart

[breakdownbill]

Thanks Chatter

I was a little restless last night thinking about my sitch & looking for different ways and approaches for dealing with the affair, whilst using DB to work on me.

I went back through my threads & re-read what I actually did when I got the bomb(s) and I couldn't expose the affair then because of the damage it would do to the reputation of my W and my kids mother and how it would be another obstacle to overcome if we did get to R and piecing.

I think the only person who may make a difference if I exposed the affair to would be my MIL. We get on pretty good and 4 years ago her husband FIL cheated on her and me and my W helped her get through that & he ended the affair because of death threats from her family. He moved out for a week & then came back, they don't have the best R, but they are still together. She is a big believer in M, meaning death to us part & I know she would do everything she could to support us staying together as a family and pressure my W to end her affair / contact.

I'm not sure if I should do it, because I think after reading your reply and my own thread, it may do more damage than good for my sitch, this could horribly backfire & speed everything up.

I have decided to keep on pushing through with my own personal goals:

1.better PMA - feel good, act positive - be positive.

2.improve my fitness & appearance. lose some more weight & tone up, get a new wardrobe ($ permitting)

3. improve my listening & validating skills. (using a summarising sentence to respond and not tring to fix everything)

4. Be more patient with my kids when they are demanding - try to spend some more 1 on 1 time with them.

5. Put everything into my teaching course - pass it, get the career, get that job satisfaction & financial independence again.

6. Stop to enjoy the moment once in a while, appreciate something each day.

7. Be more decisive and assertive when communicating with my W, stand my ground, have faith in my convictions. - I will try this out with making my own plans for the kids next weekend - taking them to a movie & then round to my parents for dinner. I will tell my W what I am doing with my kids without checking if she had plans or seeking her approval.

I feel so much better for just putting out there some of the things that have been cycling around my head lately. I've got some clear goals to follow that will help me on my DB path for me & my own personal growth.

I have to start preparing a plan D (having paperwork ready, separate finance), but that will be on my timeline unless something changes.

We have always had a joint account for all our standing orders, salary coming in, that would be something I'd need to weigh up how to go about right now in this moment.

I mean it could spook my W and oil up the gears on her plan D, which is definitely not what I want, I need to be the one who files if it comes to it, otherwise it'll just be a process to end everything and not an action that demands a reaction.

Bill