I just can't sleep I figure I write what I'm feeling right now. I'm going through emotions again. The same pain is back the same way as when I found out the EA back in April. I'm frustrated, anxious, angry, sad, and very disappointed in what is transpiring in my life. I don't understand, I was getting stronger before.
I have to work back at it. I got to remind myself I can not control what W does. But my emotions are taking over right now. I guess I have to go through it and grieve so that I can focus back on my 180s and GAL.
This is worst, I never had to endure anything like this in my life. I'm digging in me to find the strength. I'm not a patient man and I think that's why I'm struggling because this requires patience.
I love my wife but she doesn't love me. She said she's in love wig OM but through what, 7months of emails. How could that be even possible? How could she only remember the bad things in our marriage. Who was there when she was sick, it was me. The daily life struggles, I'm there. With the kids, I'm there. Sure maybe there are days that I wasn't enough, but I thought I did a decent job.
I'm just venting...I feel like screaming but that would wake up my family and neighbors that wouldn't be good -- I write.
Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
