STOP blaming yourself for the fact that he is broken.
You did not break him and that is why you can not fix him.
You can look at what you did or did not do, forgive yourself and improve in the future.
But the changes that you are going to make are going ti be for YOU!
To make yourself happy.
Think like you are in an airplane that has lost cabin pressure. Put on your own oxygen mask first. Then after you save yourself, then you can worry about saving someone else.
