Right since so many people have mentioned that counting the days might not be a good idea, I'll stop it today (on day 10 of my plan of action - )
Quick update.
Wife came to help with the move this afternoon (I needed the car) and got to the boarding house an hour late. I greeted her pleasantly and thanked her for coming. It truly was nice to see her after a whole week. She looked tired and talked a bit about her band and how they had been working hard to prepare for the evening's gig which she said was the big night. She didn't get into details but said that it might make them. I listened and I wished her success.
The move went well and we went together to buy the first groceries (we needed cleaning detergent). While shopping we had a pleasant light chat and at one point, for no apparent reasons W hugged me tight. It might have been more of a sisterly hug, I don't know. She held the hug for sometime so I hugged her back and gently kissed/touched the top of her head and then I ended the hug and continued to shop.
Back at the house W helped cleaning things and I showed my old PMA, dancing and singing along with the music like in the old day, as I mopped the floors (I promise D8 that our new home would be filled with music).
W eventually left and asked for a lift (literally around the corner) because she had 2 guitars with her. D8 and I needed to eat so I agreed and we got a bite to eat while out. At the bar where W was playing, I noticed she was a bit nervous and looking around - I imagined she was worried that OM would be around. I chased the thought and drove off.
Had a good evening at the house. First night here might have been depressing but I got good vibes and I feel good today so i won't let anything ruin my mood.
BTW, it's very strange because at one point W was talking about a business WE could run from this house. She also mentioned that she thought she'd made a mistake about choosing this city for us to live. Not making too much of any of this, though.
Notice how many 'we's there are in your last post Arsene. Are you truly okay doing 'we' things with your W while she is spending time with an OM?
This ^^ is what Bond is talking about. Correct me if I am wrong Bond.
You asked what you can do different. It's straight forward, but harder than it sounds, "I will not be an active part of your (W) life as long as you continue to have contact with OM. I will give you space. I will give you time. But I will NOT tolerate OM."
She may tell you to shove it. THAT is when you have to enforce that boundary. That does NOT mean go divorce her. That does not mean be a d!ck to her.
It means that you live YOUR life separate from your W, and you give her what she is wanting... space and an opportunity to follow her own path.
Someday, that path might converge with you and your M again. And THEN you can work on R.
Or... you will move on. And YOU will be ready to ask for a D.
The key to all of this, and it takes a damn long time to get there, IS TO BE OKAY WITH EITHER OUTCOME.
Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
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