Dropping the rope, hope I'm doing the right thing.

[scaredsilly]

cadet and busting, you are both so kind, so very, very kind and caring.

as it happens, i was just editing my list. my big fear is that he would agree to the list, as it's really just basic respect and common sense, but then he would slide back and i'd be the one who didn't matter anymore...again.

here's the list. thank you for the suggestion:

What I need in a mate, if I have one:

1. I need a man to feel that our relationship is the most important relationship in his life.
2. I need a man who is willing to spend time with my family without telling me how bad they are.
3. I need a man who will spend time with me in my home town at the condo.
4. I need a man who will not make disparaging remarks about my dog.
5. I need a man who can accept that I am different from him and have personal interests and likes that he may not and who will not see that as a negative.
6. I need a man who is willing to grow and change as our lives and circumstances change, because change is inevitable.
7. I need a man who does not expect me to love his family as he does and can accept that I may not even like some of them. I know there will be members of my family he will feel the same way about.
8. I need a man who knows how and is willing to forgive.
9. I need a man who allows mistakes in others and doesn’t say, “I told you so” or hold grudges.
10. I need a man who appreciates my goodness and generosity and voices that appreciation.
11. I need a man who is not selfish in bed.
12. I need a man who allows me to grow and change.
13. I need a man who is dependable and gives me security in his feelings for me.
14. I need a man who is willing to share life, interests, desires, etc., and not feel that only his have merit.
15. I need a man who appreciates my intelligence and humor.
16. I need a man who knows how and is willing to say, “I’m sorry”.
17. I need a man who is mature and not spiteful, childish, prideful, or stubborn.
18. I need a man who is trustworthy and will not betray me, steal from me, take sides against me, or leave me rather than work on what our problems are.
19. I need a man who does not impose his will on me and accepts other ways in addition to his own.
20. I need a man who is not cruel, who would not abandon me.
21. I need a man who takes care of himself.
22. I need a man who does not financially support his adult children and does not expect me to.
23. I need a man who does not want to fight and argue but understands that relationships are better with compromise and negotiations.
24. I need a man who will respect my boundaries.
25. I need a man who makes my life better and does not add burdens.
26. I need a man who knows that I’m a strong woman but sees that as an asset and not something to overcome.
27. I need a man who sees me and hears me through a positive lens, who gives me the benefit of the doubt.
28. I need a man who lives in the present and looks forward to the future and does not dwell in the past.
29. I need a man who is honest and does not say things that are not true just to better his argument.
30. I need a man who is patient.
31. I need a man who is flexible and not rigid. He must have the ability to accept that things may have to be adjusted and that it’s not the end of the world.
32. I need a man who knows I support him but does not see me as a “support person”, who sees me as an equal partner and has no other equal partners, not family, not children. Equal partners are equally important and should both be content and happy.
33. I need a man who sees ANY attack on me, from ANYONE, as an attack on himself, any negative comments about me as negative comments about him. He needs to be on my side, not just me on his.
34. I need a man who will not subscribe to a double standard for me. What he thinks is acceptable for other people, has to be acceptable for me, too. I can’t be held to a higher standard than he is, either.