Hi.. i will be divorced in less than a week. not because i didnt try to save my marriage. probly cuz i tried alot of things at the wrong time. or because it was doomed. who knows. the fact of the matter is, it is ending. my W doesnt love me and i am ok with that. every interaction that has to happen(kids stuff, mutual bills) usually goes bad. she has a bad attitude and is still blaming me for all her problems. even ones that happened after she left. i am not trying to make her seem bad. it just is like that. she is a good mom and a smart woman. never has taken any responsibility for her actions ever, and i see that more from a distant perspective.
i am trying to move on. i am doing what i believe i need to do to become a better person on a daily basis. i did not give up on my marriage. i just knew i finally have had enough. i stand for marriage. healthy happy ones. not dysfunctional degrading ones. i am my own person and i am enjoying being who i want to be, not who she wants me to be. I am having some issues dealing with some feelings from time to time. then i remember my focus excercises i was working on with kaffe. they still help. i dont get stuff right away. i can be dense at times. what i have learned here so far is, no matter what i can figure it out. i have gotten alot of help and support on this forum in my short time here. i am very greatful for that.
Sorry your divorce is going to happen. Sometimes, despite our best efforts - we have no choice. Once their minds are made up - we could DB till the cows come home but they won't back down. Usually if there is another person involved - they have even more resolve.
But good for you for working on yourself to become the best YOU you can be. How is your R with your kids? Despite how hard this is on us - we can separate ourselves from our exes eventually but the kids can't. I hope they're doing ok.
What is on your Bucket List for the future? You will find, once it is all said and done that the Divorce is actually quite freeing - once you start to get past all the emotional stuff. And that DOES take time.
At any rate - most of us here have already been through it. And lived to tell about it. We will be here for you.
i will be around for a bit my girl guru. glad you are to brit.
sun- i am sorry it is happening but at the same time im not. you are right, it is freeing. there are different OM's involved. it is her choice, i have no control over it.
my relationship with my kids is great and getting better everyday. i am a good dad. i will be the greatest dad ever someday. i never talk badly about their mom. i say good stuff about her. she is their mom no matter what.
right now i dont have much of a bucket list. I work fulltime. Im going to school full time for business mgmt. im going to open my own electrical contracting business soon. im getting a new tattoo when i sell the wedding rings. i dont plan to much for the future. i am an alcoholic in recovery, so i try to live for today.
i have my bad days, but for the most part im doin good. i have went on a few dates and i talk to a few women. not to into it tho. they are looking for R and get all wierd when i say im not looking for that right now. so its for the better. either way, i know i am becoming a man only a fool would leave. i will find someone someday. im not in a hurry or really looking. i am just living my life to the best of my ability.
labug: You list your address also as SD - maybe it won't cost so much - LOL!
HB: Good for you for being a good dad and setting your sights on being the BEST dad! That's an awesome goal!
You will be into dating again some day. When your heart is healed. Don't rush it - you might end up with the wrong person. You will get through this and the sun WILL shine again.
Working full time and going to school while all this is going on is quite an achievement. You should be really proud of that. Also you're setting such a great example for your kids through all this. Showing them that you didn't let this turbulent time bring you down.
SD to SD...hmmmmm that service call might just pay for all the business start up cost LOL
lol..bug for u i would do it for free. pay it forward and all that. plus i could really use a vacation. i kinda owe ya for all the help over these months. i dont know where i would be without ya. you always got me thinking. never told me what to do. just gave me stuff to think about and let me make up my own mind. i appreciate it.
sun- i know it will get better. i am way better at spotting the crazies. i see co dependant people now for what it is. im not doing that again. i dont need a woman to complete me, i want someone to compement me. i am keeping my options open, yet not looking for anything. the sun will shine again. that i know. my favorite saying is, in order to see the rainbow you have to stand in the rain. or someting like that.
brit- what can i say. you still amaze me. its good to know you are still human. for awhile i was a little intimidated by the super DBer..lol the way you stay so positive really helps me. i am strong and my kids know it. last night after the hockey game i put my S in bed. he says "dad, can i just stay with you? i dont want to go to moms. im happy here." it about broke my heart. i stayed calm and happy and told him.. "liam, you need to go to moms. she loves you and you love her. it will be ok. you will have fun and i will have you just in time for another hockey game." he told me he loves me and went to sleep. moments like that really stab my heart yet make me feel good. what im doing is making a difference in his life.
i am super stressed out. i am doing the focus stuff. it is helping. i just gotta get used to the new schedule and figure out a good routine. i can do this. my STBX told me theres no way they would let me into school. well she was wrong about that. and alot of other things. her loss. lol
