I moved this over from Bill's thread to answer your questions.
"Sorry Bond. I still don't see it. You did what you did but what did you have to lose?"
My W, custody of my kids, my job, my home etc.
"This guy was coming after you."
And my W encouraged it.
"Show me someone other than my W coming after me and my family and nothing will stand in my way."
For one thing, you'd have to be pretty thick to not think that the OM is planting things in your W's mind. But that's up to you to ignore.
"For the moment, all I want to know is how Bill and my behaviour is not following good DB technique."
Still? Okay, DB is all about solutions. You and Bill don't have solutions, you have contingancy plans for if you get a D. I haven't seen a goal list from you of concrete things that you would do to get a specific response from your W. And saying "my goal is to not argue" is not specific.
Next, this is a marathon and not a sprint. When you put a "timeline" on things you will get burned because even on a subconscious level, you and Bill will see how long your sitch has stretched and that leads to frustration. I've seen that time and time again. It's only when you let go when things will start to change. And again, you are on your W's timeline. Not yours.
"improve who we are on more level than one."
Which is fine.
"DR states that the affair must run it's course. I know that in many cases forcing the issue has had positive results but then again, it's also been said that one has to be truly prepared to lose it all before going on that road."
No. You're thinking of the LRT. Yes the A must run it's course so that it becomes your W's choice to come back. But you have to understand that during that time, you still need to plan.
If after this explanation you don't understand, you will in a while.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
