Well, the toothbrush says it all! LOL! He's definitely making a statement about you going on w/your life and having fun and he's not getting any reactions out of you.
BTW, did you see the season finale last night of the "Collector"? It was good. It doesn't take much to convince people to turn over their haunted items to him. I'd love to tour his museum some day.
Enjoy your day...no telling where that toothbrush will be this weekend!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
LOL Kaffe, unfortunately I use the sink next to the toilet... don't think it hasn't crossed my mind though.... I would never actually do it.
Yes Snoddery I did see the season finale of collector last night! It was actually good, I wonder how much it cost to ship that bed frame to his museum? LOL You're right it doesn't take much to convince people, all he says is what would you like me to do with the object and without batting an eye they usually say remove it! It baffles me.
Touring his museum would be cool.... I'm sure that will be an option in the future.... he may need a bigger museum though.
As of tonight toothbrush still as far away as possible. He was slightly more civil with me tonight, said hi. Looked at me like I was crazy when I was trying to catch a large flying grasshopper in "my" room! No offer to help of course. I'm sure it was extra amusing because I was only half dressed. I know that got his attention but he wouldn't let on. *rolling eyes* whatever, be stupid, oh that's right we have pretend I'm not your wife anymore, I forgot, silly me.
Who knows what tomorrow brings but for today I am able to choose joy in spite of all the craziness....
Hello all! So I took the liberty of moving his toothbrush back to the toothbrush holder the other day, and so far it has stayed there. Since I last posted he has been saying hi or good morning to me again, but not usually goodnight. I've been doing my best to keep myself busy, I have started helping my dad with his concession trailer (you know selling french fries and stuff), I do that on Saturday's and did some today.
H wasn't home at all yesterday, left early didn't get home till after 11. I know he had a match and I would guess he was with his family after since it's a holiday weekend, but I have no way of knowing. I also don't get myself worked up about not knowing anymore either. I figure God can handle it. I actually hear a great quote on the one radio station often, "Nothing is going to happen to you today that you and God can't handle together." I like that thought, keeps me from panicking and worrying (and we all know I'm a recovering worrier).
The strange thing is H is being kind of normal with me today, which doesn't usually happen when he's been with his family. He came into the bathroom while I was in the shower this morning... Kept saying he hoped he wasn't making me late for anything. I said no. In an effort to stay semi-mysterious I didn't say it's fine I'm working for dad. When I got back a few hours later H had washed the dishes that were in the sink, brought up the sheets I had in the dryer and.... wait for it.... he vacuumed the rug!!! I thanked him for doing all of that and told him I appreciated it, he of course said it was no big deal. I was filling up the candy dish on the coffee table with some candy I just bought and he looked over and said again, I hope I didn't make you late this morning. So I said, nope, it's ok I know the boss at my super part- time job (super as in minimal hours is what I was implying with that, don't know if he got that or not). He didn't say anything. I mean I know I had to smell like a walking order of french fries, I'm sure he could put 2 and 2 together to figure out where I was. LOL I later realized he actually unloaded the dishwasher too!! I went back in and told him I didn't realize it earlier and thanked him for it as well. Again, acted like it was no big deal.
I told him I got him some of his favorite cereal and grape Propel at the store. He said I didn't have to do that. I said I know, but I wanted to (he says that EVERY time). He kind of sighed but didn't say anything. Hey whatever, I'm going to continue to ACT AS IF everything is going to be ok, and I'm still his wife whether he wants to act like it or not.
I've done a lot of thinking this weekend, also a lot of praying, getting closer to God, which is what I've needed to do for a long time, also started (and almost finished ) with a GREAT book, Choose Joy: Because Happiness Isn't Enough, by Kay Warren. I'm really enjoying the book, it's giving me a lot to think about, and is helping me in my growing this unexpected journey has brought about.
I had a random question, that may or may not have an answer. I was wondering, due to the childhood issues they need to deal with is that why they may spend more time with their family now, when before they were pretty indifferent to it?? I'm just curious. I think it's weighing on me because H's mom is such a judgmental B, and it hurts to know that he wants to spend time there, but I get pushed aside and treated like crap when we've been so close all of these years (which I get MLC = spouse gets crapped on), I just don't understand the family part....
Also, H's dad texted me the other day, apparently he had a heart attack and is now in a wheel chair. I didn't tell H since he made it abundantly clear he wants nothing to do with his father. Which is sad, but his choice. I will continue to pray for the healing of their relationship before it is too late.
hrm, Wonders never cease with your h! Sounds like he's having some moments of clarity if he's doing "normal" things around the home. I'm glad to see the toothbrush is right where you left it. That is so funny.
I can only say this about the reconnection w/his family. My xh didn't have much to do w/his family prior to mlc. He had a lot of resentment/jealousy towards his brother. Once he flipped the switch, he couldn't get enough of them. I think they have to travel back in time to the "family unit" in order to work on the childhood issues. So, I'm not surprised to hear you say that he's been spending more time w/them. However, it's interesting that he doesn't want a reconnection w/his father. Did something happen between them?
I'm sorry he doesn't want anything to do w/his father. His father doesn't sound like he's doing well at all. It would be a shame if he didn't spend some time w/him. He will regret it if something should happen to his father. My xh did the exact same thing and hadn't spoken to his father in quite some time and lo and behold, his father had a massive heart attack and died at the age of 65. I do believe it bothered him quite a bit, but he never spoke of the rift and I sometimes wonder if that was the final straw that broke the camel's back for his mlc.
You are doing great w/the handling of your situation. I know it's stressful for you at times, but I admire you for your sense of humor, compassion and determination to live your life.
Keep up the good work!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm not really sure what happened with him and his dad, aside from the fact my H always did everything. His dad is morbidly obese and would sit in his reclining chair all the time at home and had the kids get things for him. My H, and both his parents all worked together when we met and H pretty much ran the place even though his dad was the manager. His mom would use him as the surrogate husband to do all the stuff like fix the cars, mow the lawn, etc. when his mom left his dad shortly after we were married ( looking back I'd say she was having her own MLC)there was a period he was not speaking to his mom, I'm not sure what changed then his mom went back up on her pedestal and he slowly stopped speaking to his dad. Then some stuff happened with his brothers while they were with his dad maybe he is holding onto that. I don't know. But his dad ended up having a brain tumor which can mess with your personality but H didn't want to hear that. His dad also has depression. Over the years I have been in contact with his father, despite him clearly being mentally ill, he's always been nice to me.
Personally I think he may be displacing all his anger at his dad for not doing anything he should have been as a husband around the house. While yes he needs to work that out with his father he also needs to push his mother off her pedestal and realize it was her job to tell her husband to get help and be a husband and not a lump on the chair. it's his choice to heal the relationships or not and maybe he doesn't even realize what the real issues are. Just my opinion anyway.
From what you describe, I would imagine that H has a lot of resentment towards his dad, and strangely enough, his Mom...though the resentment towards Mom induces guilt, so up on the pedestal she goes to make the guilt go away. Sounds like he lost some childhood and young adulthood having to take responsibility to be the "man" of the house, since dad couldn't/wouldn't. This reminds me of my dad, who had a similar sitch growing up due to his dad being away in WWII. Does H seem to have a big tendency for denial, especially regarding his mom?
Enough psychoanalyzing..lol...how are YOU doing? From your posts sounds like you are in a "hurry-up-and-wait" phase...I hope you are still finding that humor of yours in this and still being positive.
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Hey T, good to hear from you. Oddly timed too, despite the last 2 weeks not being the greatest I have been doing quite well, until today. I don't even know why. Maybe I'm just sick of being surrounded by crazy people... is it bad when you have to use DB with co-workers?? Had to pull the I'm sorry you feel that way card a lot this week!
H has apparently cycled back into Heather svcks, but whatever I'm used to the many moods at this point. As for denial the man is living in a sea of denial! I feel like he is a constant loop of crazy, I still have hope he will get his head out of his ass and work out his issues, but who knows, he's stubborn, he could be one of those stuck forever, I don't know, can't tell the future.
I'm sad today.... lonely I guess... tired of living in a house with a stranger.... I miss my partner in crime.... it doesn't help when he says nice things to me and then runs away, back into the depths of the tunnel. He never really talks to me all that much anyway, I wonder if he even realizes he has freaking issues, not dwelling, just wondering. I guess on the up side I'm not anxious or angry.... just sad.... hurt, brokenhearted I guess.... I find myself crying a lot today, and I can't explain it... maybe just missing him.... wonder if he ever cries... probably not, probably to busy living it up. haha
I have been keeping myself busy, going out, doing things with friends, but sometimes I'd rather just be alone, no one gets it (except you all), everyone has their opinions, advice, etc. None of it really matters anyway, nothing I do seems to make a difference anyway, just same old crazy loop. Sometimes being the lighthouse svcks!
I know I'll be fine no matter what happens, blah, blah, blah.... still svcks though.... still hurts like hell.... but this too shall pass.... I'd really like to go live in a cabin in the woods amongst the woodland creatures, people exhaust me.....
So I had a weak moment checked his e-mail.... I think he's having an affair... or beginning one..... his sister e-mailed him about a zombie run, he said he was sent the e-mail to some woman who's NOT me...... WTF!!!! I want to go and confront him!
hrm, Take a deep breath! Don't do anything that you will regret later.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
