It was wonderful - what a great band. Really lifted me up.

So funny - i wrote this long post describing everything that happened, and then couldn't submit. instead i decided to just write a few sentences sort of like "observations" - the details are starting to feel less and less relevant...

what i observed last night -

I'm pretty okay in my world, and completely accepting of it
H is very agonized and nervous around me
I can sit on the blanket, and h can sit right next to me, and it's okay
s is opening up slowly like a flower and I am in awe of how my changes are having such a direct effect on him
The more I let go of things that I think I want, the more they come to me in surprising ways

Since i wrote that post about giving up - I've had a bit more insight into where I really am. for 3 days i was really on myself - you are done zig, you are done. and then yesterday - it came to me - giving up is not the same as being done. It's okay to give up and just BE - but it's also okay to acknowledge that I am not done. There's a huge difference there.

what there is now, is a new level of peace -or should i say the first level of real peace - I haven't felt this yet - and possibly haven't for a long long time.

I'm finding myself letting go of all the subtle tiny things that i have been clinging to in order to "fool" myself into feeling secure and safe. and i know that i have let go of so many fears and it's because of that that i am able now to not be so fearful to stay in the moment so much more.

So i am excited and eager to see what unfolds for me in the next few weeks...

how are you busting ? well, today i hope

(((((((( ))))))))
zig

me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"