Tomorrow is a New Day

[hopefulinga]

One thing I struggle with is control....on both sides. I have a lot of fear of getting hurt, so I try to control things...pretty much by any means necessary. Sometimes I'd demand things a certain way, sometimes I'd guilt my W, sometimes I'd criticize...once you start recognizing it, you'll see how it comes out a bunch of different ways. If something doesn't work, you switch to something else. You can see this a lot in LA's posts in how her H behaves...same for me.

On the other side is letting someone else control you. I think it's the tougher of the two really (though both are difficult!). When you get frustrated, angry, sad, etc....is this because of you, or are you letting someone else's behavior control you? It's a struggle, but I just say it in my head "I'm not going to be controlled by W." Sometimes that simply means not getting angry, sometimes that means staying happy even when she's ignorant, sometimes it's simply ignoring stupid crap that comes out of their mouths.

You've hit the tough area for me. I think I am aware that a lot of H's negative actions are aimed at controlling me. I need to be a little more keen in recognizing that.

But what if you got a D? Do you think he'd really have her 1/2 the time? This is kinda how I approached it myself. I just think, hey, it's all on me, and then I balance it out the best I can.

I do think of this and it is a concern of mine. This is part of the reason that I think I've dealt with what ever is dished out. But that was before I read DR/DB and realized that I need to change as well.

Perhaps all this anger he is throwing around is his way of protecting himself?

I do think it is a way of building a wall around himself. My job is to recognize how I am contributing to this and change what I am doing.

I appreciate hearing what you have to say. Sometimes it's good to hear from an outsider.