The fact that she seems paranoid about you dating is a good thing. When she says that you would have her blessing, don't believe it for a minute. She's nervous that you're going to move on before she's made her decision on whether or not she is done and that's making her uncomfortable -- that's different from wanting you back right now, but it's still a good sign. If she were dating or had OM involved, she wouldn't care what you were doing at all.
There are two sides to what you're trying to do here -- one side is to make her wonder what you're up to, to make her understand that you have your own life, and that you're not ruled by what she says or does.
The other side is to show her that a marriage with you going forward can be better than your marriage was, and to be the kind of husband that only a fool would leave. That calls for some degree of friendship and compassion. You don't need to save her, you don't need to solve all her problems, and you certainly shouldn't be a doormat, but you should certainly not feel badly about being nice to her or doing her a favor now and again when she asks -- but only if you feel you're not being taken advantage of. Don't play the line too hard.
How are the finances? Did you meet with a financial advisor to help you get out of debt and put together a budget? Have you considered another 2nd job with fewer hours? Don't get distracted from the key to your sitch. Fix the finances.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
