Slightly hopeful optimist..

[25yearsmlc]

Breakthrough... I officially feel like I have taken Myself off the roller coaster! I have had NO physical contact with the W nor have I felt the need to initiate contact, yet I still feel that deep loving feeling.

Regardless of what happens with us I need to hold on to this. I cannot be a slave to my needs when it comes to relationships. It's just not healthy for me or my R. That being said I am not giving up on my M, I just know that it is goin to be easier for me to detach from here on out.

I am still the man she fell in love with and if she wants some of this ruggedly handsome devil she can decide for herself, I will be here until I feel the need to move on.

sounds like a plan.

We hammer the GAL here b/c it works. That always means meeting or involving other people. Not just solo activities, which is "alone time."

make the effort to meet new people or reach out to old friends but saying "it's too hard" is


a weak whiny answer and it's part of what you allowed to happen in your m.

Making a good marriage IS HARD...so is GAL but both are worth it.

Plus, GAL will help you keep your marriage. It's NOT a guarantee, but it sure helps you not obsess or panic so the downsides are lessened

and

it makes you more appealing and interesting and perhaps, a bit more sparkly. So there are upsides that come into your m from you GAL.

Are you wearing any nicer clothes or a new cologne? I appreciate good cologne on a man and it's just a very sexy thing to me. So is a nice watch, fashionable or professional clothes, etc.

Make yourself look "marketable" and GAL and let your w see that.

When she goes off for her "time out" and all that

make sure YOU HAVE HUGE GAL PLANS...big ones.

And if the time comes when she's ready, see about attending Retrovaille.

It's a marriage retreat for marriages in crisis, and yours is.

We got a lot out of it and she will too. You don't have to be religious to get something out of it though they do use the terms spritual relationship or spiritual connection with a spouse. (Some folks have a tough time with that and I'm sad for them...no offense if that's you).

I liked it and so did my h. He's not Catholic. But it was clearly not an issue as the retreat is designed for couples in trouble, not to convert.

Look into it. For personal individual growth, which often makes a better spouse, I highly recommend the "Essential Experience"workshop and they have a website. It's usually in Philadelphia. Loved it, found it to be very profound and so did my h. Like 3 years of therapy in one long weekend.

Either of those long weekends might get you where you want to be a lot faster than the mc is. Especially if the mc is saying only 2 more months and then you are done...

Good luck and hang in there and please pull way back

That means not changing your mood hourly or daily based on what you think she said or meant that hour or day.

Don't give anyone that much power over your life


and fwiw, from your description of the wife's broken foot, sounds like she was in pain and maybe traumatized but you wanted to party with your bro and peeps and leave her behind. Sweetie, there are few if any women in their early 20s who would not be hurt by that. Just my take.

Does not mean you lose yourself and you cannot blame her for that.

Be your own man. A strong confident man in charge of HIS emotions

(and not one who loses control of them OR who feels the need to be in charge of other people's)

is what most of us find attractive. You can be that guy.