I've done everything wrong and need help!!!!!

[25yearsmlc]

Quick update (can yous tell am a talker or as 5 love languages says am a babbling brook)
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She said "that's really nice of you and I appreciate the offer but am off Tuesday so I was gonna get it started then"
I said "if it's your day off Tuesday why don't ya do something on your day off rather than fix the house. Something you enjoy doing. I'll get started on Thursday and I don't think it'll take long to get it fixed so make Tuesday a day for you to go enjoy yourself"
She said "ok that's nice of you. I need to get some work done before I get a call at 2 so I'll call you back later"
I said "look it's ok. You don't have to call back I just wanted to arrange Thursday so it's cool. I'll see ya Wednesday afternoon"
She said "ok Wednesday"

I think that's a great start. Not the answer to everything but an oppertunity to show a change starting. Plant a seed so it can grow. I can't expect things to change over night. But I think this is a step in the right direction.

Her 5 love laugages (which I've always known) are:-
1-service. 2-quality time. 3-words of affirmation. That's the main 3. This oppertunity is a chance to give all 3. We both help with fixing this house to sell spending time together focusing on a project that's not the relationship but has a positive out come. Encourage and compliment her on the jobs she does. And taking time out to help her is the service.

I hope am going about this in the right way.

Tell me if am not or making a mistake. The pitfall I see with this plan in not giving her space. Should that be a real concern?

Kevin.

yes not giving her enough space is a major concern. The other one is now the OM. You sound "DONE" with her based on her seeing an OM.
maybe that is so.

If so, not much for me to add although I do hope you'll learn something about yourself in this. If you are to endure a lot of pain it's crazy not to at least improve from it so your next relationship, even if with her (ESPECIALLY if with her) is a better and different one.

I'd keep showing her the new you so she second guesses her choice of OM. Of course that means the focus must be on YOURSELF and your own work to become the best kevin you can become.

Not about her or her flaws or her mistakes now. All about YOU...so

I'd be the better choice.

That is still my advice regardless of whether you are to divorce her.

But ignoring her when it's cold or rude,

or acting angry

only helps her justify her choice to leave you, and it certainly does not make her miss you.

Keep that in mind.