Dealing with Anger

[25yearsmlc]

Day 8 of the new plan of action - Update

Well the day isn't yet over but I've got a bit of time and I don't expect anything new to occur today.

This morning I after I dropped off daughter to school and went to my meditation class, I went to W's relatives and met the moving truck. There I talked to W's relative and gathered our things, got them loaded in the truck and left. W's relatives don't know about our S, so I acted as if all was well.

With the truck I then went to the boarding house to pick up a few things we have there (we had bought the fridge and stove before I left for my country a few months ago, planning to move them with us to the city we had planned to move to) but was unable to gather all of our clothes and toys because I'd only found out about this move late last evening and never had a chance to pack things up.

Not too bad, the landlady is a friend so I told her I'd keep the room for an extra day and that was it.

At 10:30, I got a text.

W - Hello Arsene how is it going? I don't think I can make it this morning. but I will be there as soon as possible. I'm sorry.

Well, again, it didn't require a reply, so i didn't send one, and it did upset me a bit but I guess I had no reasons to be.


Be honest with yourself if no one else.

You did not reply to ANY of her texts b/c you were bothered by all of them....read your posts. You didn't "like" any of her texts and you rationalized that they "did not require" an answer even when she persistently texted, which implies that she wants a response.

YOU chose the moving date and b/c SHE had not replied to your texts (hmmm, maybe she did not think it needed a reply???)
SO

you made zero arrangements to pack or move? Is that accurate?

See any pattern here, any passive aggressive stuff going on?

And btw, is her stuff mostly moved already?

I don't know where your expectations are coming from. Or what they were.

But you did nothing ahead of time BECAUSE she did not reply to your chosen date/text??

Then when she makes assumptions b/c you do not reply to her

you get surprised that she makes assumptions.

Geez, I'm not a shrink but it seems like a whole lot of this was preventable by simply answering the texts...

At 10:46, another text.

W - Daniel, I've got a gig tonight and I'm exhausted right now. Is it ok if I just rest this afternoon? Can you answer my sms please?

Okay to be clear, are you Daniel? If not, that's weird...


Well, this upset me a bit as well, for no good reasons, other than the fact that I also have a meeting tonight (of which she knows). But I was by then rushing to an interview for a job (at my D's school) so I decided I'd answer it after the meeting.

You could just text her just that you'd call after the meeting? Even after she asked that you reply to her sms? Why not? Okay we know...b/c you were upset and didn't want to show your anger, which I understand.

But you were showing your anger, just passively.


After the meeting at around 12:30, I checked my phone to find a text and a call from W.

W - Hey, what's up, is everything ok.

I decided to call her. Well, to make an already long story much shorter, the gist of our conversation was over arrangements for the evening as we both have engagements and the fact that I hadn't replied to her texts.

She was quite angry even after I told her I had simply forgotten my phone at home (I know, I lied). She kept insisting that I should have replied.

maybe she knows you are lying. Not so good. That isn't who you want to be.


I stayed calm and managed to calm her down at, one point asking her why she was angry? (maybe I shouldn't have). In the end, she offered to come over in the morning with the car in order to help move the remainder of our things.

She was also angry that I hadn't gotten everything ready for the truck but I explained that I had only found out about the move the night before and that I hadn't had the chance to gather everything. She told me that I was the one who had suggested this move date. I answered that this was true but that because I hadn't heard from her since I wasn't sure it was going on.

So, what's the REAL reason you did not do any work or planning to gather or move things? What was the goal of all that delaying and inaction?

She again got angry and said she had texted me and even offered to send me the said text again. I said I hadn't received it but that it didn't matter, there was no harm done.

She eventually calmed down and I told her to get some sleep and take care of herself. She thanked me and said she would.

This is the way it went and I 'm not sure what to make of it all. I don't know if I behaved well or not.

really? I think you know.


Maybe i should've replied but I guess, I felt that I didn't have to jump as soon as she decides to contact me.

Sure, you could have waited an hour or two before answering. You could have said "fyi, I Do have plans for x and y" and reminder her, which would also have avoided later issues. You chose the stone silence instead.

In fact you waited all night and into the next day to reply, right? Not until your plans were effected for Sat night did you bother to reply, correct? That's interesting to me. Think about that.




I tried to play it cool, believe me I wanted to reply but I'm forcing myself not to, and then this.

then what? And do you mean your silence was the only alternative you had to losing your temper?
is that what you mean to say?

I'm not going to worry too much about it. These are just thoughts which are going through my mind. There probably is no answers.

The main thing I see here is how in the course of 15 minutes, the situation changes. Between two texts 10 minutes apart, the story changes. Is this planned? Did events really changed? Was she lying to get out of coming around? Who knows?

Stop obssesing and mind reading. Btw, the only person we know to have lied, is you...