Thanks for your response. So much things going in my head, Pride? Anger? Loneliness? Yes, all of this are going on right now.
Eric, you are telling me if I am emotionally ready to say no, and by the latino pride working his way in. My friend I am working to have my emotions in a healthier place, I am working on my spirit to glow again. I do not trust my W a bit, and as I have said before I have come to terms that I love her. Self preservation has kicked in, and I just see her doing real stupid things that is hurting her kids and her self and by concecuence me. I do not see my self back with W, is it the latino pride? is it my lack of trust? Who knows!! I just do not want to feel the pain all over again.
When she asked me if we could move back together out of town, I just do not believe it. I am afraid she will find herself mourning for the OM and just leaving me again for the 3rd time. It might be a true statement, but my head is way too clouded, full of her lies.
I have always accepted that it takes two to make or brake a relationship. I have accepted the share of my responsability, and she knows that. In the other hand, she is hidding her guilt on what I did. What I tried to do was to remind her, exactly what you are saying, that it takes two to damage the R. I guess I did not choose my words correctly, or for better STFU.
I am not playing a game of guilt. It is just that everytime the R conversations start she brings all the bad things about me. I have always stayed quiet, and my responses have been limited, without accepting or apologizing for my past behavior, to avoid sparking a fight. I have learned thru this process to control myself on many things. It is a long journey because change takes time.
Going to Scaredsilly remark of W wanting R the M, and me not being sure if I do. I agree more with last statement of me not wanting to R on the M. Right now my choice is not to do anything, like you are saying, anger and pride are not good councelors. I am doing a lot by just not doing anything. The proof is that W has contacted me when she was the one to let me know that 3 weeks ago we had our last conversation. I have detached enough to let her go thru her emotions, let her live her life and love OM if that is what she decides. I accept my present moment, and it has helped me to sleep better at night, it has help to continue with my life. I have been keeping from dwelling in the pain. It clouds our heads as well as our hearts, and stupid decisions are made that way.
Eric, I am glad you are back.. Thanks again to the both of you..
I love my W, no doubts!! Am I afraid to lose her? I have already lost her twice, I just do not want to go thru that again. I can say with all honesty that I am afraid of getting hurt again. With this said and rationalizing in this, yes there is still that very dim hope that something I see in her will truly make me change my point of view and restart working on the R.
For the mean time, go dim again and keep detaching..
