Letting people live their lives and GALing...

[AntoniaB]

I haven't written it down but it's in my head pretty firmly!

Yeah the thing is that from the getgo I told this guy what I thought he wanted to hear about the level of contact--because I was unbelievably attracted to him emotionally, creatively, physically, that I insisted I had the same level of detachment as him even when he was skeptical. I also thought that it would be good for me to be in a rel. with someone who didn't think the sun rose and set with me, because it would force me not to be overly attached/connected, and I truly wanted to keep growing more independent and less needy. (My rel. with XH we were in contact multiple times a day during work and I didn't think in retrospect I wanted this anymore).

The thing is that this guy has become detached to "a whole 'nother level" (he was formerly in relationships with very clingy women and a very clingy ex-wife). So while I got to a certain degree of detached-ness, his comfort zone was too much for me.

So I actually did know what I wanted in someone from the beginning but talked myself out of it because he wasn't it entirely and I wanted to mold myself to HIM to make it work as it seemed better than being alone.

Lesson learned: it was like our physical relationship required no effort, and our spiritual connection didn't require effort, but the emotional relationship did, and it would hit walls, big walls, and I'm thinking that unless the physical and emotional and spiritual are all fairly effortless, it's not meant to be with that person...