Each of our sitchs are more complex than can be easily condensed to a few paragraphs. The text we read contain the emotive content we assign and are subject to the reader’s interpretation.
I have been misinterpreted more than once and I have misinterpreted several times. I have formed opinions about a person’s motives and personality only to find myself in error later. It happens
Welcome Brit! In another alternate forum I announced I was joining this forum with a similar statement about thriving. Mine just contained several F-bombs
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Today I texted H about some mail that came in and we talked about his motorcycle qualifications/courses etc. Then later in the day he texted me "passed!!" I was like ??? and he said my test I just took it. So we talked about him going to an event this weekend and he said and this time I really will be looking at the bikes for sale. I told him I was happy for him and I am. His GF is bank rolling a lot of this. And I don't really pass judgement on this. I can hope that it all turns out okay but his choices are his choices.
He's coming by on Monday to see my mum and S (his SS for those just joining the programme already in progress) I think he's pretty brave coming by to see my mum. LOL! She can be pretty feisty. But she loves him and he knows it. She and I have had a few conversations about the D. I realised that a lot of responses to my mum when I first told her had to do with disappointing her and feeling like a failure. And now almost a year later when I talked to her I was able to say how I was really feeling and explain my growth and it felt good.
Having my mum here visiting is really teaching me a lot about empathy and patience. I can't believe how dependent she is. She's gotten (physcially) quite old in the past few years and her visit is eye opening...how much I have to literally look after her.
Hi and welcome Brit. I do have to show some support for sun. It sounds like you db'd for about 3 months from what you describe here, and then gave up on your marriage at that point. I agree that getting a life is an important part of divorce busting, but so is the actual divorce busting part. You do sound like you have almost maybe moved on too quickly, not processing your feelings maybe or whatever, and facing your issues. I can see why sun posted what she did. A lot of us (most of us?) here in this section DB'd for years, something like 5 years in my case. I don't want to be harsh, but I can understand Sun's reaction to your post. We should be supportive here, but also be welcome to point out things that are not always positive imo.
I think this is why in the past month or so I've wondered if this forum is for me anymore. I've made incredible friends that I hope to keep in touch with forever. But I think as soon as you decide to move on and that includes meeting other people there's a lot of resistance.
I'm not attempting to save or stand for my marriage anymore. He has continued so many behaviours that upset me during the M that just show a distinct difference in core values between us. I have done so much work in detachment, acceptance and forgiving myself. So I'm okay with where I am at the moment and my choices.
I understand that other people have been/are on a different timeline than me. I work with a woman who was divorced 20 years ago and is still very bitter and angry not only towards her exH but men in general. I never wanted to be that person.
I just picked up Facing Love Addiction and have the Solo Partner on it's way to me. I'm still learning. I recently ended it with the person I dated during August. I took it slow, got to know someone, and ultimately decided I didn't want to continue it.
Hey Brit, After BD, the first thing I told my IC was "I don't want to become one of the angry, bitter older women who have never gotten over the break-up of their marriage. Please help me avoid that."
With her help, this site and the many other things I've done in the last 2.5 years (only 18mos separated)in the last couple of months I've felt that I'm succeeding in that. It's a great feeling.
I think the most important thing is feeling you have control of your life.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
