Divorced #5. And I think Im getting it..

[Mrs D]

Arsene,
I went there positive. Everything was good. I wasnt looking into anything that he was saying. It wasnt until he brought up the conversation with the friend. Then it all went downhilll quickly.

I did call him this morning because I ran across some receipts that I wasnt sure I added to the items I had given him a couple weeks ago. He asked if I was in a better mood, and I apologized for rudely walking away from him. We made small talk after that, and I ended the conversation by telling him to have a good day and good bye.


Im sorta in the funk again today because I feel like I cannot keep myself in tack. I had been feeling good about everything I was doing this week since Monday. Minus the conversation about C finding out about the GF, and then last night not being able to keep my emotions to myself and walking away.

Starting back at square one again this morning. Happy Friday.

[labug]

Did you work on your goals?

This doesn't just go poof, it takes you deciding you're going to work at this.

[Mrs D]

Does anyone know of a poster that was divorced and trying to work on reconciling? I had found a few, but the stories never end. They kind of drop from the board.. Just wondering. thanks.

[Mrs D]

Hey Bug - yeah I did. This is what I came up with reading through Zigs thread. I did use other peoples because they are really what I need to start working on..

1) respond instead of react
2) thought-stopping - focus on only the present
3) Concentrate on me - I need to become more confident, funny, relaxed, non-judgemental, warm.
4) spend better time with C

[labug]

Put them in the goals thread above and they will help you refine them.

I think you need to be more specific, like the concentrate on me. How? What would that look like?

Respond instead of react, what work do you need to do to make that happen?

[Mrs D]

Bug - LOL DETACH!!!! Ok - Ill get more specific this weekend. At work now - trying not to think of things but work. But I do love coming on here from time to time.

[Carnac]

MrsD: Sorry I didnt answer you sooner, its my first time on today. I had an incredibly busy day and just walked in the door for the first time since 6:15 this morning.

Ok, to answer you question about why I think you should avoid him completely for a bit...honestly you ended up in a conversation that you didnt need to be in, and then you walked away.....im not saying walking away was good or bad, if you thought it was rude then your probably right and he probably saw it as well.

Honestly what I saw in your post didnt have alot to do with the conversation and had more to do with you fixing him a plate and bringing it to him without him asking you to do it. Thats the kind of subtle pursuing that would probably lead him to believe that nothing is different. I know you want to do those things, but as of now its not your place, and honestly he doesn't want you to be doing that right now. Detaching is so, so hard and its what I have the most trouble with myself which is why I have simply avoided like crazy for the last week. I was simply suggesting that maybe you should try the same for a bit and see if it makes a difference in you and possibly in him as well.

[MrBond]

There are a bunch of stories like that, but you're going to have to search hard for them once they stop posting.

[Mrs D]

Stayed the night with X. Nothing happened other than sleeping next to each other. He told me I need to move on, and that he really does like his Gf. Conflicting stories from his friend to me - meaning he told the friend not serious to me really liking her....and when I brought up kids, he changed the subject. Whatever that means.

[scaredsilly]

well, then you need to move on. if he doesn't mean it, you'll know. if he does, then you've started on your path to a new and better life.

why is it better? because it's for you and you will not be wasting time, pining after a man who no longer wants to be with you. years go by quickly.

at this point, you have to take him at his word.