Letting people live their lives and GALing...

[AntoniaB]

Thanks so much to AJ, Beatrice, and WT. I just have a few minutes before class but I wanted to respond to one thing AJ asked about.

I'm not really mourning the loss of hopes and dreams with XH. Truly. The 6 month rel. I had with someone new who was in a lot of ways much more suited to the person I am now and the person who was sort of struggling to "get out" in the second half of my marriage sort of helped me break that connection to XH. I really think that I tried very hard to change and grow into this person and my XH really shut that woman down, and I literally feel so much more free without him and have this whole attitude about my life being open and having tons of directions to go in where with him there was one regimented path we were going to follow.

So I really don't mourn the loss of him anymore. I mourn the "idea" of a companion being there for me and me for him, though. I am upset about current conditions, not the past. In fact there are many times I have even prayed for/wished him and the OW/his now 2 year GF well. I think they deserve each other, ha ha, and I think he's got what he wants, and I don't want a guy like him at all anymore. I have happy memories of him but even his betrayal doesn't have the sting it once did as it was the catalyst for a ton of growth in me.

So it's the current aloneness that I have difficulty with.

I do suspect the end of the rel. with the new guy is hurting more than I care to admit, as Beatrice suggested.