I am sorry to hear that your wife is moving out. Hopefully that is just part of the healing process and it allows you to work things out.
Thanks for the kind words Sam, I too hope this separation helps W to sort through her thoughts and hopefully decide to reconcile at some point. Based on the many success stories I've read here it sounds like the absolute minimum time for a turnaround once separation takes place is 3 months, and more often it's in the 6-8 month range before there's a change of heart. It's going to test my patience for sure.
Originally Posted By: Sam1313
I would have a hard time with it though and my thoughts are with you. I too felt like I was going to have a mental breakdown and I almost went on meds too.
The meds were a very rough road for me. I've never been on meds other than antibiotics for infections. When I started the A/D's I couldn't sleep, so they had to give me something else for that. Then the A/D's weren't effective for the anxiety, so they had to give me yet another drug for that. The cocktail of 3 different drugs caused all kinds of other problems- inability to focus at work, confusion, cloudy head, trouble sleeping, trouble waking up, etc. I finally started taking the A/D's in the morning and cut out the other two drugs and that did the trick, I stabilized and can sleep well again. Anyway, if you can make it without med's then by all means avoid it because they bring additional difficulties at a time that we don't need it!
I lost a lot of weight too, but I joined a gym and started hitting the weights pretty hard. That helps a lot with the anxiety and self-esteem and also restored my appetite. I definitely recommend doing some kind of physical activity if you're not already- lifting weights, jogging, bicycling, etc. It'll make you feel better about yourself and take your mind off of things. And your wife will notice your improving physique even if she doesn't say anything. Win-win :-)
Originally Posted By: Sam1313
I realized that I was taking a big step back and falling into my negativity and worrying to much about how my wife was behaving instead of focusing on myself and the changes I need to make. Those negative thoughts will sink the ship if they take over and I am back to working on myself. Hopefully for good this time. Just have to realize that both me and my wife will have good days and bad days.
Well said, wise words! You're going to have the negative thoughts, that's completely normal. The trick is to keep them to yourself and show your W only a positive, glowing, happy you. From Michele's tips:
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive. 19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show her someone she would want to be around. 28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly. 30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
Originally Posted By: Sam1313
You are right in that my wife's comments are more then baby steps or even leaps forward. What she has said is that she is willing to trust me again and does not want to get hurt. She is basically leaping off of a cliff and is trusting me to catch her. She is a great lady and I am amazingly fortunate to have this opportunity.
Congrats, and yes, you are lucky and I'm jealous :-) You're getting the chance that most of us don't, most walk-away wives just say they're done and they don't want to talk about it. You're on the right track, just keep working on your 180's, make them permanent changes to you, give your wife space and time to absorb your 180's and fill your heart with as much hope as it'll hold. Good luck!
