So today I exercise, ran treadmill for 30mins. I really had to drag myself out of the bed because I'm really down from what happened yesterday. I'm emotionally drained.
Went to work and felt better even happy talking to co-workers. It was still hard to concentrate. Just my emotions are going berserk up and down. W text me and said hope we can work things out. That made me feel good and at the same time still very pissed at her.
Got home after work and spend time with S3, talk with D17, and checked homework of S12. After dinner I'm so down. I know I'm not suppose to show W, but I can't help it. But at least I got to spend time with kids which is my 180.
I wanted answers so I talked to W and ask her why did she lie to me again. How long ago was the first contact again of OM. I was grilling her looking for answers to get me some strength to fight for this marriage. Because yesterday I basically kicked her out and she's ready to look for her place but SIL texted me and ask for me to be patient with W and SIL assured me that W didn't have PA with OM. So from talking with W. W answers really didn't help me feel better so I left MB. The context of our convo was acutally that I told her OM is a bad idea, it's a lie, fantasy and she's potentially putting our family in a harm's way because in reality we don't know this OM.
Actually, that's when I thought of doing some background check on this OM. Does anyone in this forum ever attack the credibility of the OM and told their WAS here's the wrap sheet of your OM? I mean, at least in my sitch it's been 20 yrs ago since W seen this OM during their childhood that's a big timeframe so maybe he's got some F-ups. Maybe if there are F-ups will lift the fog?
Anyways, my mind is going 100 mph right now just thinking of all these things. I need help, some kick in the rear perhaps, and motivation to keep fighting for my marriage because right now I feel like giving up. Everything that is happening right now is really going against my beliefs, affair, breach of trust, deception...these are the foundations of marriage. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.
Second day not sleeping together. I'm getting MB tonight.
newman.
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
