DB Bootcamp - dawnmarie and zig et al

[albamarie]

"i am going to be straight with you here. There's a strong pattern in your posts and the main impression is that you are really stuck where you are - in terms of yourself and in terms of your relationship to your h."

thanks zig, for being straight with me....i wrote to GWN saying just that...i need it straight. I'm not his child or sister or his mother...though over the years it seems those are the roles H has put me in at times. With my blessing!

I took a few days off from here just to be me, without H since he was gone two nights.

Went to the movies with D and fell in love with being in love again, just watching the big screen actors play it out made my heart ache.

I don't want to be stuck anymore...it's going to be my third fall going into this lonely path of winter, holidays, b-days...and I have S.A.D. so that really doesn't help. (Seasonal affective disorder)

by yourself - without paying ANY mind whatsoever to how your h or your relationship with him may be affected.

that's my problem...i base everything on how it will affect him...I don't like to make him think that I'm just fine without him. I thought it would make him detach from me even more...he always tells me I'm good. i want to rip his face off when he say's that.

he is comfortable here...I am a creature of comfort...and he sux it all up like my own personal vampire...sucking the life out of me as well. After 23yrs of providing that "homey" feeling he missed as a child, and I obviously needed to give, i have to learn how to wrap myself up in my own blanket and be content.

Don't be here? At least for "him" I can work on that everyday...as i learn to detach. Today I almost ran out of bed to make him breakfast when he commented that he thought there would be dinner leftovers. I bee lined it for the bathroom.

I have a feeling that you are somehow validating it for him .

that was really hard to read...i don't know how or what to say or do in order to stop. I don't condone his ignorance...ow/ea, anger, and blatant disregard for my needs as a wife. I didn't know I am validating him...can you elaborate on that some more please?

I am reading Co-d still....I really like think it helping me put some things together. I loved the castle-picnic...I passed it on so when I put out my blanket finally some friends can join me

Bitting m tongue here...no more conversations letting him spew his verbal abuse my way. I'm letting him make his declarations that make no sense anyway, are have half truths, and are hurtful.

zig, I want nothing more that to feel emotionally independent...it sounds so freeing, lite and airy. No more heavy emotional handcuffs.

I'm so scared to get out of his equation...though I know better. I know that it is best for me...I don't want to be there, really...he's not fun! It losing the feeling of what's familiar, what's easy, like a broken in pair of jeans, we love them the most.

Well not that I have expressed my feelings...I am ready to work on changing my thoughts...moving forward...cause I'm not alone. I have 4 grown kids here in this house with me who are fun, loving, weird, and everything else that comes with a great personality.

I have both my parents who say all the right things about my m and what they think, and keep just the right distance.

Someone asked me how am i (close friend) and I said "I'm a wife without a husband" shocking myself I realized I am (right now) singular. Just me... without him.

Yea, it's little steps like that everyday, throughout the day that I need to remember so I don't slid back, cry, try to cuddle, say ILY, you know all those "normal things" that a LBS still misses.

thanks zig your post was a great read!!!