Letting people live their lives and GALing...

[AJM]

Antonia, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm also surprised by how eloquently you put things I've felt as well. Birds of a feather?

But I often think if I look back, how things went. The cycle of things that is. I think that at one point after the surprise, I was cycling rapidly. Overthinking. Not eating. The usual.

I think over time the waves got further and further apart but they are not "done" per se. We still have things to deal with.

My philosophy is that we can't run far enough from problems. Why try? Facing the issues. That's easier said than done though. Why? I don't know, but it is in my experience.

Initially, it's get through. Then argue. Then anger. Then deal. Then accept. Then... it goes on. But after a while, we have to change our approach. We no longer need to just get through. That transition is difficult. We are returning to a life we never really knew. In many ways, we're making up new patterns and it takes a lot of effort and consequently a large toll emotionally and physically.

For starters, I think you need to accept that it takes a long time for the healing. Your family may not want to hear it any longer. They have no frame of reference though, so keep that in mind. It's one of the things that drew me to these boards - people that would understand. I needed that more than anything. I sometimes still do, but I only tend to find it here. I find people that can relate to the struggles. People that can listen without judgement. Listen and understand. People outside this experience don't usually or are so far beyond it they don't want ot revisit. They found a way to cope (other person in many cases).

The feelings of anger, sadness, etc.. are they related to ex or more about the current situation and loneliness?

I get that way sometimes. But it's not about ex as much as it is about the loss of the plans and dreams. Still working through that at times. Usually what brings it up are situations with the kids where I feel she is being unreasonable or mean towards them. Wrong or right, it brings up the fact that I need to accept what is and find a way to deal. But it brings up the emotions. I almost feel like my emotions are confused in the sense that it has nothing to do with her directly, but rather my reaction and the injustice I feel.

I don't want anything to do with her, but that's more to do with the fact that dealing with her is unpleasant and unneccessary. I am happier without that and the new her. I know that. So I get tired of having to deal with some of the left over junk associated.

I catch myself blaming her for things sometimes and vigorously challenge those thoughts. I usually find I'm just leaning to dumping unpleasant emotions on her. That's not right either and doens't bring satisfaction, ya know?

What works better for me is to challenge things and figure out my own emotions. I find I am not as astute at separating my emotions as I'd like. I work harder to separate them because of that. To feel the emotions for what they are and why they are vs. blaming or dumping or whatever you want to call it. I mourn the loss of what I wanted, vs. what I really want now.

It takes it's toll on me. I get very tired of it all. When I boil it all down, I find that I find peace in the murky depths of my emotions

I think meds won't help either if that helps unless there is a physical reason you would need them. I think viewing things pragmatically and honestly are better. Acceptance is the key in my experience.

I don't think you're crazy or wrong or anything else negative. I think you're human and I think it's been a rough couple of weeks with no great way to vent the steam. Couple that with family pressure, and it can be a earth shattering if you're not careful. A lot to deal with at the least.

Perhaps it is time to start a new habit? You've finished the book (nice distraction), ended a relationship (hard to let go of the first one - really), and been physically sick. I would expect that it causes some rethink and some tiredness as you search for more.

A good time to be still and focus A good time for new habits and social norms. A good time for new hobbies and exploration of you.

A new stage. A new chance to use the tools you have and to create a few more.

Life. It's got it's ups and downs, but we learn to surf...

AJ