Making it work, for me

[sweetbabyred]

rH, it is very tough. I almost wish that H and I hated each other. At least then I'd be happy not to see him and would look forward to being on my own. Loving him and knowing that he loves me, even if he is very confused, is hard.

I've definitely noticed a pattern where H starts to get close and then pulls away. That Saturday, he called me every time he left his house (3 times) just to chat. On Sunday morning, he called before he went shopping with a friend, and said he might stop by later. He did come, later that evening, and stayed until 10 am the next day.

We actually had a really good conversation about his new job and he sounded wistful when he spoke of our old house. He even said he was somewhat resentful because I always had stacks of books in our bedroom and my new room has empty night stands. I still have tons of books, but bought new furniture for the living room that has lots of hidden storage!

It went so well that I didn't hear at all from H until Tuesday night, when he texted to see if I wanted company. When he got here, he looked exhausted, so we talked for a few minutes and then went right to sleep.

I had to leave early, so I left a key on the table for him to lock up and told him to put the key under the mat. I got home and saw that he'd taken the key with him. I'm not even going to try to figure out why. I did send a short text to confirm he had it, and left it at that.

We'd gotten along so well during those times, that I knew I should expect him to pull away, and haven't heard from him at all since then.

Retrouvaille is coming to town again in a few weeks and I really wish he'd be willing to go with me. I asked him in June and he said we weren't actually a couple, so he didn't want to go. I think the response might be the same, but I'll give it a few weeks and see if I can get him to agree when he's feeling somewhat close.